Neutral evil?
Why care? Does anybody else really care? You are born, some live, all die. Does it really matter when? Sure, there is pain, but that is only brief. Emotions are muted, everything is too transient. People are shallow, so why should you respect them? Do not care what others think of you - it is not your problem. Try to make the misery you feel lessen for yourself. That is what everyone else does, but they don't care about you. Work for yourself, and don't be afraid to do what you need in the course of that work. Make yourself numb, and the hurt will go away. The ends always justify the means.
That's neutral evil for you.
