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Okay, I'm totally stealing this, but I had to:
Cheney's reasons (*defenses*) for shooting Whittington in the face:
1. Washington, Lincoln, and Roosevelt all shot guys in the face.
2. The Patriot Act allows Cheney to shoot people in the face.
3. Whittington's face was harboring Al Queda's #3 man.
4. If he were innocent, he wouldn't mind being shot in the face.
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