[Cerek]

Subject: War Protest in Minas Tirith

MINAS TIRITH (Gondor News Network) - Thousands of peace activists took
to the streets of Minas Tirith and other cities of Middle Earth today
to protest what they termed a rush to war with Mordor.

"We need more time for diplomacy," said a key member of the
Middle-Earth Security Council, Saruman the White. "I am not convinced
by the evidence presented by my esteemed colleague, Gandalf the Grey,
or that the Dark Lord Sauron presents an imminent danger to the peoples
of the West."

Many of the people protesting war in Mordor agreed with Saruman's
remarks. "Sauron says he's destroyed his Rings of Mass Destruction
(RMD) and that's good enough for me," said one fellow carrying a sign
that said "Elrond is a Balrog." Another demonstrator urged, "Give the
RMD inspectors more time. There's no reason to rush to any judgment
just because Mount Doom is belching lava, the Dark Tower is rebuilt,
and Osgiliath has been decimated." A third protester piped up, "I
haven't heard a single bit of convincing evidence connecting the Nazgul
with Sauron. I think they destroyed Osgiliath on their own initiative
without any support from Sauron. Besides, it's understandable they're
angry with Gondor. We haven't done nearly as much for the Orcs and
Goblins and Easterlings as the Nazgul and Sauron have. It's
understandable they throw their support to them. It's our own fault
really."

As the protesters continued their march through the city, they chanted,
"No blood for Mount Doom," voicing a common sentiment that the leaders
of the Western peoples are really seeking to get their hands on the
powerful Mount Doom, where the One Ring of Power was allegedly forged.

Gandalf the Grey was unavailable for comment. A spokesman said he was
in an undisclosed underground location, which sources have revealed is
codenamed "Moria."