The Ironworks Times
Editor in Chief: K&Z
Appearance of a "Stoned Golem" puts IW into an Uproar!
This past weekend a very 'stoned' Rikard was spotted about Ironworks, bearing the semblance of a golem. Rikard unsuccessfully tried to avoid the taunts of fellow posters, but the opportunity was too good to miss. Sessions of Rikard teasing will be open to all members on MSN and occasionally AIM. Don't miss this once in a lifetime chance!
To you newbies: (the reporter blushes as she writes this, not being present at the time she is now referring to as well) 'Stone Golem' was a rank formerly used and often the swamp of despondency for many determined posters. Only the most obstinate and spammish of members passed through 'Stone Golem Hell' unscarred, and one who found it particularly difficult was our own Rikard. We thank Ziroc for kindly removing this rank (though the reporter wishes it to be known that she would have made her way through it with thoughtful and relevant posts, of course) and applaud our good webmaster for his tact in the pun he used in its recurrence.
Rats in the Café! Health Hazard!
A recent report from the local health inspector does confirm the
suspicion that a plague of rats have infested the kitchen of the popular
Cloudy's Café, located on Main Street in the downtown section of
Ironworks. The proprietor was unable to locate for questioning, but one
waitress spoke with our reporter.
"Well, what do you expect?" the redheaded girl said. "With the manner
of folk we get in here who don't understand the meaning of no
role-playing, the rats come in hidden in people's cloaks and armor. But
we're sure to have them cleared out soon. In the meantime, make sure you
try our delicious coffee, used by the most ardent insomniacs since July
2001!"
The health inspector spoke with our reporter as well, confirming that
he has believed there to be a pestilence located in the well-frequented
café ever since he located a chocolate-covered teenager baking cookies
shaped like "lionesses".
"If Miss Cloudy lets riffraff like that into the café, there's bound to
be pests," Mr. Link said.
The public must carefully consider whether or not they should continue
their patronage of the lively place, which has been rumored to be the
scene of numerous food fights, whippings, and unnatural cloud storms. We
shall indeed see whether the café's population diminishes at the news of
this recent health hazard. Certainly the unhealthy and insane atmosphere
of this unruly place must bring to attention whether or not it is a
healthy addition to the calm and normal routine of Ironworks.
Sports
*Football wins the title of most IWer's favorite sport, although which 'football' it is remains unclear to the reporter.
*Lioness' beloved Red Sox take 3 out of 4 from Bahamut's Yankees. (The reporter would like to issue the rather immature comment of "haha!" to Bahamut and apologizes for the said comment.)
*Table dancing is renewed as a local sport in the café after a deficit for many months. Sir Jerome the Fallen-Risen Paladin, of course, still holds the position of champion.
*The Octagon, the new addition to the Role-playing Area of IW, is an arena open to all who wish to participate.
Gossip Column
*A group of unidentified young hooligans were spotted dancing upon what looked like clouds in Cloudy's Café last Sunday night. Article III, Section 713: Dancing upon clouds is not permitted within 6 feet of Cloudy's tables.
*The Lady Galadria was recently spotted fussing over a charming young fellow named Choc. Look out Attilus!
*Epona and Lord of Alcohol were recently arrested for unlawful "drilling". Trial date to be announced.
*Regin is looking for some type of beret/cap. What lady is he trying to impress now?
Return of the Throne of Scone! HADB rejoices!
In a brilliant jubilee this past week, the beloved co-leader of the
Hamlet and Dough Boy Clan returned from a long period of inactivity to
much rejoicing from his followers. The popular (and often provocative)
Pillsbury lad made his appearance among the streets of General
Discussion, being spotted at an HADB Early Anniversary celebration, and
a greeting party set up by his friend and partner AzureWolf.
The doughboy himself modestly thanked his old friend for the warm
welcome, stating, "Ah my lover you shouldn't have."
So, readers, expect a stunning rise in the activity and enthusiasm of
HADB, as well as an increased level of silliness about the forums.
Welcome back Caleb!
Personals
*Touchy, argumentative half-elven fighter/druid looking for balance-preserving man without a will who will blindly accompany her on her travels. Must not have a tendency to whistle or call people after birds.
*Ferocious redheaded feline looking for handsome, athletic shortstop playing for the Boston Red Sox. An average over .400 and 100 RBI's a plus.
*Cute little boy made of dough looking for a lover. Must like chocolate chip cookies and have overlordish tendencies.
*Huge black demonic spammer looking for a lover, preferably drow and sinister. Must not be a moderator, and have a great resistance to insanity and constant role-playing.
*Big rainbow-colored dragon looking for love. Likes barbecues and living in the land called Honalee.
*Lovely young lady all dressed in blue looking for guy named Shawn. Causing collapse into a puddle required.
*Adorably chubby and slight man looking for a lovely gnome lady who likes turnips and peppering orcs.
*Young Aussie lad looking for a mate who can deal with his ego and his frequent color-mood shifts. Can be located spamming up various cafes.
ATTN: All personals and letters to the editor should be emailed to the address within the poster's profile. The editor reserves the right to refuse the publication of any articles deemed unworthy. (Ahem...small "donations" are welcome.) 
[ 04-19-2002, 10:02 PM: Message edited by: Lioness ]