[Cerek the Barbaric]

Now THIS is the type of thread that I REALLY enjoy.
Good show, Sazerac.

A good friend of mine introduced me to AD&D in college. We were friends from high school and he was a veteran gamer. He ran a "closed" campaign set in Hyboria (Conan the Barbarian's world). This allowed him to limit magic items and rules he didn't like. Our group consisted of me, my roommate, the DM's roommate, a close friend of mine, (all NEWBIES) and a couple of experienced gamers our DM knew. I played a ranger, my rommate played a druid, our friend played a cleric, and the DM's roommate played a mage. Here are some of the highlights from that campaign.

1) Around 2nd or 3rd level, the cleric had gotten a small man-shaped figurine. Since he couldn't afford to have it "Identified", the only way to learn what it did was to test it. So...one quiet afternoon...he and the druid go out behind the cleric's temple, set the figurine down, and speak the command word. The figurine transforms into a Stone Golem whose purpose is to destroy the nearest building. So he walks over and starts pounding on the temple. Neither cleric nor the druid had any weapons that would affect it, so all the cleric could do was stand by helplessly as the Golem completely leveled his temple!!! (it then returned to figurine form).

2) Our group had reached 5th level when we were sent to investigate "strange disappearances" in a neighboring town. We discovered that a vampire had taken up residence in the castle and was dining on the local townsfolk. Once again, we were seriously underpowered to fight this thing...but we never ones to let common sensed dictate our actions. We stormed the castle and fought our way through his various henchmen/underlings/etc (taking some heavy damage in the process). We finally found the vampire's coffin and decide to take NO chances. We used about 8 flasks of oil to thoroughly saturate it, threw a torch in the room, and slammed the door behind us.
When the fire settled down, we went back in...only to discover the coffin was relatively unharmed....and EMPTY!!! We made our way back upstairs and met Mr. Fangface. We were in a bit of a pickle because we only had the ranger, druid, and cleric with us..and we were all pretty beat up already (with no more healing available). The vampire saw our hesitation and made us an offer.
He said "You guys made a MESS out of my coffin, BUT...if you will go back down there, clean it up, and give it a good polishing....I'll let you walk out of here unharmed".
Another long pause, and finally the cleric yells in defiance and rushes the vampire. One hit from the vamp's weapon drops the cleric like a stone. The druid and I looked at each other and he said "I'll grab a rag!"
It was SEVERAL minutes before the DM could stop laughing long enough to tell us that the vampire honored our agreement...and even let us pick our buddy up on the way out.

3) A few levels after this, we entered another dungeon full of undead. The druid had been killed and Resurrected...but had to start as a 1st level cleric. He had finally surpassed his druid level and could use spells from both classes, so we had good spell selections.
The initial encounter contained some wights, a spectre or 2, and a GHOST. When the ghost showed up..my ranger and the mage blew our Saves and panicked. The mage tried to climb out the way we came in...but the stairs had crumbled behind us. I realized that way wouldn't work, so I took off at max speed deeper into the dungeon...ALONE. I rounded a corner and came face to face with another vampire. Since I was completely defenseless (due to panic), I resigned myself to losing a couple of levels. However, the DM rolled a 1...and the vampire missed. After a brief moment, he said "OK, it's your initiative...What do you do?"
I grabbed the vampire by the lapels of his coat, jerked him into my face and screamed "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE....IT'S RIGHT BEHIND ME!!!!"...and then I took off running again. The vampire was so stunned that he didn't even bother to follow me.

3) Last (but certainly not least). Our esteemed group had finally reached "name" level and become established heroes. The cleric and druid built their own temple and my ranger became the mayor of our town. The DM's roommate didn't game with us very often. He had never taken the time to learn what the different spells would do..so he was as dangerous to the group as he was to the monsters. The DM had given him a Staff of Power to help make his character a little more playable. The command word to unleash the Fireball was BLAST (a sadistic trick by our DM, since his roommate had a habit of saying "Well, Blast" when something didn't go his way).
Well, the mage had made a rare appearance during a game. Since there wasn't much going on and we hadn't been called on any adventures, he decided to head to the local tavern...but he didn't want to drink alone. So he headed to the temple to get the cleric and druid to join him. The player who ran the cleric could be WAAAYY too serious sometimes and this was one of them. The DM told him that he and the druid were conducting a religious ceremony when they were summoned to the front door by an acolyte. When they entered the standard 10x10 foyer, they met the mage and the following conversation took place.

Mage: "Hey guys, let's go down to the tavern and get a brewwwski"
Cleric: "I'm sorry, but we're conducting a ceremony right now and can't leave."
Mage: "Awww, c'mon guys..lighten up. Now, let's go get some brewski's...I'll buy the first round."
Druid: "I'm sorry, but you heard the cleric. We are in the middle of a ceremony right now and we can't leave"
Mage: "Man...to HECK with your ceremony. Now let's go get some brewski's"
Cleric: (in an indignant tone of voice) "I suggest you leave the temple right now!!"
Mage: (realizing the futility of arguing anymore) "Well BLAAASST!"

The three of them looked like the 3 Stooges right after they tried to "de-activate" a bomb.