1 - Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
or a kick up the ass?
2 - Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
sometimes, not even then [img]tongue.gif[/img]
3 - Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
also works on suits - grrrr
4 - Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
unless it pees on your lap where some of the heat is returned
5 - Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
frighteningly true
6 - Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
if they start off comfortable, they will manoeuvre into uncomfortqable position within 5 minutes
7 - Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
so can kids
8 - Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
fun to watch when the floor's slippery
9 - Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
actually i think it's just "Cats must attend all meals". The good bit is just a bonus sometimes
10 - Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
or bed
11 - Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.
unless it's detrimental to the cat
12 - First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
most human males worship this creed
13 - Second Law of Energy Conservation
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
see response to 12
14 - Law of Refrigerator Observation
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
amazing but true
15 - Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
must try that sometime
16 - Law of Random Comfort Seeking
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
which may or may not be comfortable for the humans
17 - Law of Bag / Box Occupancy
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
funny thing is if, in a bag, you can carry them round the house then make "let the cat out of the bag" puns
18 - Law of Cat Embarrassment
A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
their hide in shadows skill also proportional to this
19 - Law of Milk Consumption
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
try beer
20 - Law of Furniture Replacement
A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
shine a light through curtains they've been at - you can see the holes
21 - Law of Cat Landing
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
with claws outstretched - unfortunate if this is your lap
22 - Law of Fluid Displacement
A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
it will then drink all the spilt milk of course
23 - Law of Cat Disinterest
A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
or a kick up the ass
24 - Law of Pill Rejection
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
grind it and mash int into their food
25 - Law of Cat Composition
A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.
and Ass-Tongue if guests are around