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look, dude, today shall be remembered through out the history (for me at least [img]tongue.gif[/img] )

this is what happened. I bought flowers for her. and she got really uncomfortable about. she told me she is happy to receive it, but "I don't want more of it, it's already too much." then she said "But I wanted to ask you why are you sending this flowers?"

I told her "because you deserve it." I always wanted to tell her that, but before, when she asked me, I always said "because you just had rought time" or "because I miss you" blah blah, but never once I had the guts to say "becaue you deserve it!"

today, I told her plain and simple "you deserve it!" she didn't believe it, so she asked "just tell me the truth please?" I insisted "I swear to God. each gift, flower I sent you, because you deserve no less than that."

she still couldn't believe that is the reason I sent her flowers. she said "it's kinda bothering when I get flowers from someone who I cannot really love as much as you, I'm speaking of 'in love', you know, relationship?" and "I know you are in love with me and it hurts you when you se..."

I told her "you deserve the good things, and I am thinking, someday, maybe you can accept being loved, even though you don't love back." (never have I being so persistant!)

I said to make it simple, focus on the feelings when she was receiving the flowers. she said she was happy and excited. I said "Good! stop right there, just enjoy it as it is!"

she got really confused so she said "I cannot, cos I know it is from you! it is not like a magic. I really appreciate it, but it's hard to accept."

so I asked "is there anything wrong with me?"

she didn't answer (thats right, I knew it) insetad, she said "because its hurt when I see someone else hurt too."

I pointed out her mistake right there then! thats the problem, i dont feel hurt! it is she who needs to learn to accept being loved! because I DO NOT freaking feel hurt. she refused to believe it, saying "no, it cannot be. no I don't believe you!"

and she also said "no, you cannot feel hurt because it REALLY hurts" (which I consider kinda cute)

I sighed, and said "you want to know my thought?"

she said "scary but yeah ok..."

"ok, YOU are having a hard time accepting it. it has nothing to do with my feelings."

to which she responded "for some reason, why am i saying you are lying. heart tells me something is missing. you know?"

I asked "soemthing is missing?"

she said "I dont know the answer. and missing part... is in you. not me (classical denial). you say you are not hurt??"

**a firm voice** "nope, I am not."

"well, ahem... I heard ya."

I continued "so can you accept it now? just stop at feeling of amusing and exciting, and not thinking about who sent it (or even deserve it or not)"

then...

**drumroll** (this line shall be remembered and song in bard's songs!)

"there is no other reason, no motivation, no goals, no desire, nothing else."

and guess what she said? after a long moment of silence

"yes, I believe you... I hope so..."

then another long moment of silence. I wondered how she feels so I asked. she told me (which surprised me)

"really, kinda of... um... blank here, but a little happy... mixed feeling I guess, confusion.. I dont know."

buahahaahahahahaha

one victory goes to the Good side!!! never has she been happy before!!! I DID IT!!! I DID IT!!! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

you know what it means??? you know what it means for her to feel confused and happy?? she is begining to think of herself being worthy now!!!

WAAAZAAAAAAP!!!! I RULE!!! I RULE!!!!!

[ 01-30-2002: Message edited by: Ziroc ]