[Grojlach]

If Santa answered his mail honestly...

Dear Santa I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer
Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care.
How about I send you a f....... book so you can learn
to read and write?
I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At
least HE can spell!

Santa
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the
only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd
like for my mommy and daddy to get
back together. Please see what you can do.

Love,Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen
door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up
to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass
constantly? It's time to give up that dream.
Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Santa
----------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train,
some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis

Dear Francis, Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays?
I bet you're retarded .

Santa
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the
tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside
the back door.

Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make
the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh.
You want to do me a favour? Leave me a
bottle of scotch.

Santa
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the
year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas,
where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno
films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the
asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps
table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you
really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck
in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please
please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy

Timmy, That whiney begging shit may work with your
folks, but that crap doesn't work with me.
You're getting a sweater again.

Santa
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house,
how do you get into our home?

Love, Marky

Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why
you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second,
you don't live ina house, you live in a low-rent apartment
complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like
all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams, Santa