It's looking very good, but there are two things I would like to say here:
First off, maybe you could weave the descriptions of the characters into the text, to keep the story flowing smoothly, and avoid too much focus on the looks. The characters will appear more real, as the reade rcan slowly build the character and collect data instead of getting a full description once. Don't wait too long with giving the descriptions though, as I remember reading a story and imagining the main character to have blond hair. Halfway through the adventure it turned out it was brown, and I was a bit dissapointed by that simply vbecause the character wasn't the one in my head.
The trick to giving a good description is to guide the reader, while making him/her think he/she makes up the character in his/her head without your help.
Of course, if your writing style won't allow it without too much effort from your side, don't do it. The story is fine as it is, and it will always be better if you enjoy writing it instead of forcing yourself to write another chapter this way or that.
The second thing is, I never found myself in the tale. Not me, not Salogel
[img]graemlins/dropatear.gif[/img] [img]tongue.gif[/img]
[img]smile.gif[/img] Am I already in it or do I have to apply for a job [img]tongue.gif[/img]