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Micah Foehammer · 11-29-2001, 12:20 PM

LOL .. truly outstanding .....

But its only fair to offer an alternative for the guys out there:
__________________________________________________ ______________

Form letter for dumping a woman

Dear ________________________,

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further consideration as the potential Mrs. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the
final cut.

I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition:

(Check all those that apply)

(1) ___ While I consider all life sacred, I DO draw the line at head lice. Please do something about this for your own sake.

(2) ___ I don't expect you to enjoy my enthusiasm for sports, I DO expect you to at LEAST be able to SPELL NFL or NBA.

(3) ___ The fact that you buy spermicidal jelly in 55 gallon drums makes me think that you might be a health risk.

(4) ___ An appreciation for the arts does not mean getting hot for the bulge in the lead ballet dancers tights.

(5) ___ The GAP usually refers to a yuppy clothes store: in your case, it defines your front teeth (or lack of same).

(6) ___ Asking for a copy of my financial and health records on our first date makes me question the potential for a true long term relationship.

(7) ___ Manners count. Using the claw of a lobster as a toothpick may be de-rigeur in the south pacific, but not when dining out.

(8) ___ Hearing "I was just passing by and thought I would stop in" is a bit hard to swallow since you live 1500 miles away. Do I need a court order?

(9) ___ You are an excellent lover; at least that's what my best friend tells me.

(10) __ The fact that your mustache is nicer looking than mine annoys me to NO end.

(11) __ I worry that our children could have birth defects. You should really ask your father not to slip you the tongue in public when he kisses you. Also, Your brother is getting VERY jealous and this could leave to bloodshed.

(12) __ You are not height and weight proportionate. Either grow another foot taller or shed 100 pounds.

(13) __ Your legs are hairier than mine.

(14) __ You should visit a plastic surgeon. While I enjoy Star Trek, having a girl friend who likes a Klingon is NOT acceptable.

(15) __ Learn to cook. Charcoal is NOT one of the four food groups.

(16) __ Thank you for returning my car after borrowing it six months ago. Can you tell me where you put the radio and the front and rear bumpers, please?

(17) __ I admire people who love animals. I can tell that you love your dog a lot: the Polaroids I found prove that without a doubt.

(18) __ Our last dinner out cost me enough to pay for a round the world cruise. Eating an entire rack of lamb was bad enough, but did you have to suck the marrow out the bones too?

(19) __ Career goals do not include "Screwing your way into Upper management".

(20) __ Please clean your apartment. My doctor says the skin rashes I developed should clear up, but he thinks the black lung may be untreatable.

You should really try to find someone who has more in common with you. Try your own species next time.

Thank you,

__________________________

11-29-2001, 12:20 PM	#4
Micah Foehammer Ma'at - Goddess of Truth & Justice Join Date: November 15, 2001 Location: Asheville, NC Posts: 3,253	LOL .. truly outstanding ..... But its only fair to offer an alternative for the guys out there: __________________________________________________ ______________ Form letter for dumping a woman Dear ________________________, I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further consideration as the potential Mrs. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition: (Check all those that apply) (1) ___ While I consider all life sacred, I DO draw the line at head lice. Please do something about this for your own sake. (2) ___ I don't expect you to enjoy my enthusiasm for sports, I DO expect you to at LEAST be able to SPELL NFL or NBA. (3) ___ The fact that you buy spermicidal jelly in 55 gallon drums makes me think that you might be a health risk. (4) ___ An appreciation for the arts does not mean getting hot for the bulge in the lead ballet dancers tights. (5) ___ The GAP usually refers to a yuppy clothes store: in your case, it defines your front teeth (or lack of same). (6) ___ Asking for a copy of my financial and health records on our first date makes me question the potential for a true long term relationship. (7) ___ Manners count. Using the claw of a lobster as a toothpick may be de-rigeur in the south pacific, but not when dining out. (8) ___ Hearing "I was just passing by and thought I would stop in" is a bit hard to swallow since you live 1500 miles away. Do I need a court order? (9) ___ You are an excellent lover; at least that's what my best friend tells me. (10) __ The fact that your mustache is nicer looking than mine annoys me to NO end. (11) __ I worry that our children could have birth defects. You should really ask your father not to slip you the tongue in public when he kisses you. Also, Your brother is getting VERY jealous and this could leave to bloodshed. (12) __ You are not height and weight proportionate. Either grow another foot taller or shed 100 pounds. (13) __ Your legs are hairier than mine. (14) __ You should visit a plastic surgeon. While I enjoy Star Trek, having a girl friend who likes a Klingon is NOT acceptable. (15) __ Learn to cook. Charcoal is NOT one of the four food groups. (16) __ Thank you for returning my car after borrowing it six months ago. Can you tell me where you put the radio and the front and rear bumpers, please? (17) __ I admire people who love animals. I can tell that you love your dog a lot: the Polaroids I found prove that without a doubt. (18) __ Our last dinner out cost me enough to pay for a round the world cruise. Eating an entire rack of lamb was bad enough, but did you have to suck the marrow out the bones too? (19) __ Career goals do not include "Screwing your way into Upper management". (20) __ Please clean your apartment. My doctor says the skin rashes I developed should clear up, but he thinks the black lung may be untreatable. You should really try to find someone who has more in common with you. Try your own species next time. Thank you, __________________________ __________________ “Every tavern’s an opportunity, I say.”