As a female who has had, well, let's just say more than her fair share of guys, both fabulous and jerky, I have to say 'you learn by experience'. Some women are more able to learn than others, some take a lot longer or don't learn at all (especially common if they've been very damaged or traumatised in childhood).
My dad was and is one of the biggest jerks out, and when I was a big eyed wondering little cutie in my teens and twenties, I did go for a few jerks - as being what I was comfortable with.
You go with what you know when you're young - and if what you know is violent crap, then you're likely to go for that. It's not nice, but it's familiar. There's also the eternal (doomed from the outset) hope of 'making it better', - getting 'daddy' to love you and treat you right, changing the pattern.
Once I got to my thirties, I saw the light, realising one day that the world was full of nice men - why was I putting up with shit from idiots? From that day on, I never went out with another jerk, - nowadays, I can spot 'em a mile off. I have been known to cross the road to avoid a leering jerk.
Personally, I think the most important thing before entering into a relationship with any man, jerk or otherwise, is to spend a little time finding out who YOU are, - what you want, what you like, and so on. That doesn't mean becoming a ball breaker or man hater - I'm talking about being a person who is centred in themself and happy with who they are. (Like lovely, talented, gorgeous, clever moi
)
After a while, you might find, to your surprise, that you don't need a man to give you these things (specially self confident, self esteem, love etc - it is possible to find them within yourself, at which point you are free to enjoy a man (yummy scrumminess mmmm....) and all he has to offer, without 'needing' him to be this way or that way.
If you don't like a bloke the way he is, well, why bother getting with him, or staying with him? Go find one you do like, or do without for a bit. As I intimated at the start of my post, I've had more men than hot dinners in my time (ok, maybe a slight exaggeration
), and I can tell you for a fact doing without now and then is a lot more fun that a lot of people make it out to be!
Cheers, me dears!!
Bottoms up!!