>Halloween Rules
>
>With Halloween upon us, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules
>to help keep this season healthy, happy and SAFE!! Please use these
>helpful hints this and every year.
>
>
>1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see
>if it's really dead.
>
>2. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
>
>3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
>
>4. If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
>they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of
>grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to
>kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids who speak with
>somebody else's voice.
>
>5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.
>
>6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
>
>7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would
>apply to any other house of the dead as well.
>
>8. If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and find
>out that it's just the cat, GET THE HECK OUT!
>
>9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short
>circuits; just get out.
>
>10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
>
>11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
>reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
>
>12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you
>know what you're doing.
>
>13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at
>least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, despite the fact
>that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's
>still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
>
>14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
>behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
>increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
>
>15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are
>listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in
>trouble if you recognize this one), anywhere in Texas where chainsaws
>are sold, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
>
>16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to
>the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that
>it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a
>tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most
>likely be eaten.
>
>17. Beware of strangers bearing tools. For example: chainsaws, staple
>guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers,
>butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from
>deceased companions.
>
>18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the
>time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had
>previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some
>horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who
>performed satanic practices.
>
>19. Dress appropriately. When investigating a noise downstairs in an old
>house, women should not wear a flimsy negligee. And carry a flashlight,
>not a candle.
>
>20. Do not mention the names of demons around open flames, as these can
>flare suddenly. Be especially careful of fireplaces in this regard.
>
>22. Do not go looking for witches in the Maryland countryside.
------------------
Amanda's Dad-Best Damn Job, Period.
Official Pin-Up Girl Massager of the O.L.D. C.O.O.T.S. Clan
To Err is Human To Forgive Divine, However Neither is U.S. Marine Corps Policy.