Harper 
Join Date: October 6, 2001
Location: Iceland
Posts: 4,706
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(I didn't write this but it is funny as hell  )
CPU: System check!
Motherboard: Everything’s looking good, sir. Word processor reports that typing speed is well above fifty words-per-minute.
CPU: Glad to hear it. Have we gotten a report back from the desktop, yet?
Motherboard: Desktop reports icon capacity at 90%, sir. They’re filled to the brim up there.
CPU: 90 already? Tell them to get that number down – start deleting when it’s covered by another window.
Motherboard: Last time we did that, sir, the user went crazy looking for his links! He had the system running checks all afternoon!
CPU: Hmm… very well. Tell them to keep icon deletion to a bare minimum. How’s the modem doing?
Motherboard: Good, sir. Modem reports that it is interfaced with Internet Explorer and Napster. Multitasking is in effect between ignBoards and MP3s – well within limits.
CPU: Good. Be sure to tell McAffe to keep an eye on those downloads – we don’t want another ‘Melissa’ around here.
Motherboard: Aye, sir.
{ALARM}
CPU: What in blazes is that?
Motherboard: {Speaking furiously over communicator} Sir, Microsoft Word reports a ‘Save’ command has been issued.
CPU: {Hits button on chair} C Drive, do you copy?
C Drive: {Garbled over speakers} Aye, sir, we’re here.
CPU: We’ve got an incoming ‘Save’. Think you’ve got enough room for an English paper?
C Drive: ‘Fraid not, sir. We’re at full capacity here, another file and she’ll blow!
CPU: How did this happen, C Drive?
C Drive: It’s the damned porn, sir, there’s too much of it!
CPU: What about the recycle bin? Can you empty it?
C Drive: I’ll try, sir, but… {static}
CPU: C Drive? C Drive!?
Motherboard: We’ve got worse problems than that, sir. Mouse has confirmed a double-click on Photoshop!
CPU: Photoshop? What are our system resources?
Motherboard: We’ve got 75% left, sir.
CPU: Load RAM launcher – sixteen megabytes… Fire!
Motherboard: {Watching screen} No effect, sir, it’s still coming!
CPU: Alright, try another thirty-two meg!
Motherboard: {Presses button} Looks like that got it, sir. Program has loaded normally.
CPU: Good…
{ALARM}
CPU: What now?
Motherboard: Modem confirms positive connection to a porn site, sir.
CPU: He wouldn’t…
Motherboard: Afraid so, sir. Mpeg download confirmed.
CPU: {Talks into communicator} C Drive, have you emptied the recycling bin?
C Drive: Aye, sir, but the only things there were a letter to Grandma from five years ago and a Britney Spears song the sister downloaded when the user wasn’t around. We were able to squeeze the document into memory, though, sir.
CPU: We’ve got worse problems than that, soldier. Incoming mpeg!
C Drive: Another one!? How large?
CPU: Motherboard?
Motherboard: Modem reports the file size at ten megabytes.
CPU: {Speaking to C Drive} Ten megs.
C Drive: We’ve got some time, then. That’ll take at least an hour to download. I’ll start a defrag.
CPU: Negative. Modem recently upgraded to cable. Download will be completed in less than a minute.
C Drive: A minute? We can’t defrag in that time!
CPU: Do we have any other options?
C Drive: None, sir. We’re completely out of space.
CPU: Motherboard, throw the blue screen of death at him – that’ll slow him down, at least.
Motherboard: Aye, sir. {Watches screen} Sir, we’re registering a Control-Alt-Delete. Blue screen of death is falling. Download has resumed.
CPU: Damn! How much longer do we have?
Motherboard: Ten seconds, sir… five… four… three… two… one…
{ROOM SHAKES}
C Drive: It’s too much, sir! We can’t handle it! She’s gonna crash!
CPU: Motherboard, activate system shutdown! Quickly, before we lose the hard drive!
C Drive: It’s too late, we can’t…
{EXPLOSION, FLASH OF LIGHT}
*A fatal exception 06 has occurred at 0028:00000017. The current application will be terminated.*
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"When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side."
- Bill Hicks
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