Obstinate
Lazy
Disgruntled
Cantankerous
Order
Of
The
Sages
MOTTO: "Old age and treachery beats youth and skill every time"
Purpose: To impart our wit and wisdom on the next generation of CRPG players, or just to mess with their minds. (Old age and expierance has to have some perks other than pot bellies, residing hairlines, and hangovers that hurt for days)
Eligability Requirements
1) Must know what "Your permenent record" means
2) Have said pull my finger to childern (yours or neigborhood kids will do)
3) Are able to fall asleep on couch during televised sporting event, and when the channel is changed, wake up and shout "Hey I was watching that"
4) Understand that milk, cookies, and an afternoon nap in not a bad idea.
5) Mumble to self
6) Said "Turn off the lights, what do you think money grows on trees"
7) Shouted at kids for running, playing, or making too much noise
8) Been fussed at for not taking the trash out
9) Had spouse laugh at you for stumping you toe while trying to kick the dog, or any other assinie display of rage
10) Ladies are not restricted from joining, but are discourged. Frankly you are probibily are already having to put up with the afor mentioned behavior, so why in the world would you wish to add to your missery?
11) Exception to requirement # 10 if you are young and attractive, PLEASE disreguard all above requirements! The OLD COOTS membership will be only the finest, distingusted, adventuring LORDS from the most noble of houses along the Sword Coast. All members have one foot in the grave and the other foot on a banana peel, and are extremely wealthy! * Side note to the younger males: That is how you do it, LIE LIKE A DOG, Because in the battle of the sexes the ladies have us OUTGUNNED, and OVERMATCHED. (Unless you are trying to woe one of my daughters. Then your ONLY HOPE for survival is a unconditional surrender!
I feel it is only fair to warn you that if lie too ,or make one of my daughters cry, I own a shotgun, a pick-up truck, and 140 acres of worthless Alabama swampland. You will never be found!)
If the above requirements are met Please feel free to take the admissions test.
1) Can you recit the Motto and purpose by heart?
A) Yes
B) No
C) I don't recite anything without my attorney present (You may discountinue the rest of the test you are our kinda people!)
2) Are you willing to pay DUES?
A)Yes, pease make a "Chashiers check Payable to "we sucker'em"
B) No, I got a spouse, mortagae, car payments, and have you seen my electeric bill nobody turns off the lights around here!
C) You have got to be kidding pay dues to an orginazation that doesn't supply beer, or anything NEKKED (southern for got no clothes on and up to NO GOOD!)
3) Do you remember disco?
A) Yes
B) No, I was under the influance of mind altering substances during disco
C) What did he say? (insert spouses name here)
4) Did You like Disco?
A) Yes, PLEASE step away from the computer and quitely wait for the men in the white suits to come pick you up (we know where you are at)
B) NO
C) I break into hives at the very mention of disco!
5)Do you do any exercise other than 12oz or 16oz curls?
A) Yes
B) No
C) I pay people to exercise for me
6) What color socks do you where while mowwing the lawn in your Favorite bermuda shorts nad holey t-shirt?
A) White
B) Black
C) Argiles
7) Do you embarrss your children?
A) Yes
B) no
C) We had them for our amussment right?
8) Is it impossible for your boss to find his rear-end with both hands?
A) Yes
B) No
C) You bet! Hey wait a minute I am the boss! How many hands did you say could use?
9) If stranded on the couch with-out the TV remote you would?
A) get up and look for it (Sorry you do not have what it takes to be an OLD COOTS)
B) Watch what ever was on TV even if it was "under water basket weaving".
C) Call the kids in from playing outside and make them change the channel.
10) Do you enjoy chasing cats, dogs, and small children out of your yard?
A) Yes
B) No
C) I keep a box of smooth river rocks just for that purpose!
Thank you for particpating in this test you will be notified of your acceptance, provided I can get up off my lazy rear-end to do so.
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Airline ticket to Afghanistan $800
High powered rifle with scope $1000
Hotel room with roof access $100
A clean Head shot on that sack of Horse Manure Usuma Bin Laden PRICELESS!
[This message has been edited by John D Harris (edited 09-27-2001).]
[This message has been edited by John D Harris (edited 09-27-2001).]
[This message has been edited by John D Harris (edited 09-27-2001).]
[This message has been edited by John D Harris (edited 09-27-2001).]