Well, let me say that, though I don't know how those represented in your story will react, they shouldn't have a problem with it. It's a GREAT beginning!
And you have such wonderful imagery! And a great vocabulary! (Gee! I think I just became your fan
!)
If it's not too presumptuous, may I make a couple small suggestions?
1. Instead of "a set of leather gleamed brilliantly", you might want to consider "leather armor gleamed brilliantly". The "a set" leaves one asking "a set of..what?"
2. Also, after "devouring bottles and glasses" add something like "of alcohol" or change it to "downing bottles and glasses of alcohol". If you leave it as is, it seems that they are EATING the bottles and glasses.
Other than that, a few understandable typos is all I found "wrong" with it.
I think it's great! Keep it up! I want to read more!
------------------
The day we stop learning is the day we start dying!(c)
Owner/operator of the Evil Petting Zoo and devout member of the HADB clan.
Mage extraordinair.
Commander of the Dragon Fleet, IW Peacekeeping Force
Occasional subjugate to Gwhanos the Fluffy
Hopeless Romantic *sigh*
"Allright! We'll call it a draw."