· "Practice Safe Food -- Use Condiments"
· "Heck Is Where People Go Who Don't Believe in Gosh"
· "When Did My Wild Oats Turn Into Shredded Wheat?"
· "Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since 15"
· "A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Words, But It Uses Up a Thousand Times the Memory"
· "They Call Me a Feminist Every Time I Say Something That Distinguishes Me From a Doormat"
· "My Husband and I Divorced Over Religious Differences -- He Thought He Was God and I Didn't"
· (On the front) "I Cannot be Bought" -- (On the back) "Inquire About Leasing"
· "All I Ask Is a Chance to Prove That Money Can't Make Me Happy"
· "Welcome to Kentucky -- Set Your Watch Back 20 Years"
· "Five Out of Four People Don't Understand Fractions"
· "Men and Women Are From Earth -- Deal With It"
------------------
