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Bet it doesn't compare to this one.
This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For
two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester
and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.
Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the
courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for
Saturday night.
Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like
Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't
make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the
bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but
he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes.
He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid she won't ever
Talk to him again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New
York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he
excuses himself during the appetizers to use the bathroom. They enjoy the
rest of the appetizers without interruption, but he has to go back again
during the entrees. They decide to get dessert. During dessert, our hero
feels another rumbling, but doesn't want to look like a complete bathroom
freak, so he holds it. After a few minutes, the rumbling subsides, but he
still has a bit of gas stored up. He decides to let this little bit of gas
fly right there at the table (discreetly, of course). Unfortunately, this
little bit of gas came with another little surprise. "Oh no," he thinks.
Instead of running to the bathroom right away, our hero immediately leans on
the arms of his chair to keep from sitting on this surprise. He maintains
this yoga position for the rest of dessert, trying to figure out what to do
before his tan pants
(a) Start to smell, or (b) start to show stains on the outside. He quickly
pays for dinner and they leave the restaurant.
Oh, by the way, he is walking like a cowboy. On the way to the train
Station, they pass the Gap. "Do you mind if I run in and buy a sweater that
I was looking at last week?" He asks. "No problem, I'd like to look around
too," she replies. They go into the Gap. Fortunately, at the Gap, men's
fashions are on the right; women's fashions are on the left. They split up.
Our hero grabs the first sweater within reach, and hurries back to the
khakis. After selecting a pair that most closely resembles his current
outfit, he brings both items to the register. His eyes are on his date
(still on the other side of the store) to make sure that she doesn't see him
buying the pants. He doesn't even want the sweater, so he says through
clenched teeth (just in case his date can read lips from 40 feet away)"Just
the pants." "What?" asks the Gap girl."Just the pants!" (Eyes trained on his
date.) Gap girl: "Oh, OK." He pays for the pants and walks over to his date,
and then they leave the store.
They board the train just before it leaves the station and find two seats in
the middle of the car. Without sitting down, our hero excuses himself and
walks to the bathroom in the back of the car. He gets to the bathroom as the
train departs, and quickly rips off his pants and
Boxer shorts. He rolls them into a ball and throws them out the window.
After cleaning himself off, he opens the Gap bag and pulls out...
Just the sweater.
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