Some funnies...don't know if the quotes belong to anyone whose name we would recognize...they came to me this way.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in high school was my blood alcohol content.
I live in my own little world, but it's OK, they know me here.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?
I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of them get elected.
If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?"
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
The next time you feel like complaining remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive
days I've stayed alive.
And a sweet observation if I ever read one:
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
Moni
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