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Moni - I am sorry you have had so much deep, deep sadness in your life and I admire you for dealing with it so well. However that is not the same thing as Severe Depression.
Severe Depression is when you dont wake up because you cannot sleep. If you do sleep you are plagued by severe nightmares and wake hours before you need to and lie there looking at the roof. You dont even have the energy to consider suicide, and besides you don't deserve to die. Maybe you can smell the stench of your own rotting flesh that is going to infect the world with disease and kill thousands. Sometimes you can hear them whispering about you in the street as you pass by.
You cannot eat and you are steadily starving yourself to death. You contemplate killing children because the world is such an awful place it would be kinder - but thankfully you have no energy to carry out your plans. You are far more likey to feel numb than upset, but you have completely lost the ability to laugh. You have absolutely no sex drive at all, and you don't even care that it has gone.
Your body's daily rhythms no longer function, all your hormones are abnormal. You cannot respond to stress - you just feel flat.
I am very, very sad to say that this is how life is for tens of thousands of people who dont get the help they need because of the stigma of mental illness. Currently medication is the ONLY thing that has been shown to help these people. They genuinely cannot help themsleves. I truly wish we had better treatment, be we do save lives with what we have. Severe Depression is a fatal disorder - it kills people.
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