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Old 06-17-2001, 05:12 AM   #3
DawnChaser
Zhentarim Guard
 

Join Date: June 4, 2001
Location: Los Angeles, CA USA
Posts: 340
Here are some grammar/typo/misspelling notes:

"...but colder then than some of the coldest days of winter..."

"...who seemed quite adept out in nature..." Adept refers to a action/skill, maybe replace this phrase with "... who seemed at one with nature..."

"...saw a large cave ahead with a smoke cloud emerging from it ahead..."

"...she was quite petite."

"...because of her bony frame."

"Behind her, followed a larger male." No verb in that sentence.

"...him stand out a()bit on the sandy path." a bit - not one word

"On the cloaks brim was the insignia..." Does a cloak have a brim?

"Behind him, the smallest in height, though large in girthwhat action?." Again no verb

"A hammer was strapped to his back and a huge shield hung at his side.

"The winds grew got stronger and stronger, then suddenly stopped."

"...faster and stronger thean before."

"...deeper signifigcance thean cold rushing air..."

"Cloaked by shadows and the cloak that was given to him by Dimirk, the soulwarden. Shadowstrider heard the wind and emerged from the shadows." Combine these statements into one sentence separated by a comma, since the first phrase has no subject. It is clear that you mean Shadowstrider, but you never say it. It reads correctly like this: "Cloaked by shadows and the cloak that was given to him by Dimirk, the soulwarden, Shadowstrider heard the wind and emerged from the shadows."

"...you may robe, murder..."

"Nodding, Shadowstrider acknowledged the priest and slipped into the shadows,. sSoon after, the rest of the party followed."

"...more of a welcome thean a statement."

"...asked, knowing full well the answer."

These are from the first post... I trust you are open to critique, since you requested it.

I will get back to the rest later... Or you may want to proofread it again...

"I know. He can be such a stickler for good grammar!"



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[This message has been edited by DawnChaser (edited 06-17-2001).]
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