Here are some grammar/typo/misspelling notes:
"...but colder
then than some of the coldest days of winter..."
"...who seemed quite adept out in nature..." Adept refers to a action/skill, maybe replace this phrase with "... who seemed at one with nature..."
"...saw a large cave
ahead with a smoke cloud emerging from it
ahead..."
"...she was quite petit
e."
"...because of her bony fram
e."
"Behind her,
followed a larger male." No verb in that sentence.
"...him stand out a()bit on the sandy path." a bit - not one word
"On the cloaks brim was the insignia..." Does a cloak have a brim?
"Behind him, the smallest in height, though large in girth
what action?." Again no verb
"A hammer
was strapped to his back
and a huge shield
hung at his side.
"The winds
grew got stronger and stronger
, then suddenly stopped."
"...faster and stronger th
ean before."
"...deeper signifi
gcance th
ean cold rushing air..."
"Cloaked by shadows and the cloak that was given to him by Dimirk, the soulwarden. Shadowstrider heard the wind and emerged from the shadows." Combine these statements into one sentence separated by a comma, since the first phrase has no subject. It is clear that you mean Shadowstrider, but you never say it. It reads correctly like this: "Cloaked by shadows and the cloak that was given to him by Dimirk, the soulwarden, Shadowstrider heard the wind and emerged from the shadows."
"...you may rob
e, murder..."
"Nodding
, Shadowstrider acknowledged the priest and slipped into the shadows
,. sSoon after
, the rest of the party followed."
"...more of a welcome th
ean a statement."
"...asked, know
ing full well the answer."
These are from the first post... I trust you are open to critique, since you requested it.
I will get back to the rest later... Or you may want to proofread it again...
"I know. He can be such a stickler for good grammar!" |
------------------
[This message has been edited by DawnChaser (edited 06-17-2001).]