[Larry_OHF]

Originally posted by RudeDawg: Larry Thank you for this. It seems we share the same fear. That has always been my worst one, worst than any phobia. And, like you, I have listened to people tell me that it would never happen. Especially her. BUT, unlike you, I lived this. When it counted, I wasn't strong enough, and she died. I've lived with the guilt for 3 years now, and have seen her in my dreams every night since. She no longer accuses me, but I do. It is my greatest failure, and I have been burdened with the shame of it. I know that I always shall. Like you, I don't seek solace, or help, nor do I want to hear people tell me how "good", "nice", or "special" I am. When it mattered, I failed. And, I live with the shame today.

Damnit!
Please don't tell me I have stirred up some horrible memories.
No, I have not lived it, yet...but I know it is going to happen.
I see it happening in my dreams with my wife or little girl every f..k.ng day. It haunts me in my waking hours as well.
Every day...I know that just because my wife is 10 damn minutes late coming home, that some horrible accident has happened, and I was not there to protect her.
I usually drift into day-dreaming and find mysef dreaming that I came home from work and found my wife dead, knifed to death, and raped in our own bed, and my baby is missing. Every day...I see these images in my mind.
I am getting too worked up about this...sorry...email if you want to sometime. I am sure you have both of my addresses.


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Loyal guardian of the OHF
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[This message has been edited by Larry_OHF (edited 06-13-2001).]