[Jerome]

Originally posted by onthepequod: In retrospect, there are a few things I have done with my pregnant wife that may not have been such a good idea. I share these for the edification of any future fathers as well as for any humor you may derive from these. The top five, in reverse order are: 5) When a pregnant wife asks you to get something for her, it is not the best idea to place it at her feet with the utmost of care. While you may find this humorous (since she can’t reach it), I can assure you, she does not. 4) Referring to a pregnant wife as a non-performing asset also falls into the poor idea category. For some reason she seems to take umbrage at this. 3) When your pregnant wife asks you to put her shoes on for her (and she will) it is not the best of ideas to finish the task by telling her she “is now shod.” I can attest, that any potential correlation to a horse (especially a Clydesdale) should be avoided at all costs. 2) During the last term of pregnancy, a wife has a tendency to waddle as she walks, due to the load she is carrying. At this point I would advise husbands from breaking out and using the duck call. This is definitely not as funny as it would first seem, not to mention the duck calling device has a tendency to lodge nicely in the back of ones throat if you are within arms reach of your wife. 1) When a pregnant wife complains about the size of her abdomen, trying to cheer he up by telling her; “nonsense, any trucker would be proud to have that belly,” should be avoided. While this may be intended as flattery, it apparently does not come across that way.

------------------


My hopes lie dashed,
Crushed from high above,
My dreams lie shattered, my heart broken,
A casulty on a battlefield called love.