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AzureWolf · 05-13-2001, 12:28 AM

I have a few suggestions to make:
1) You have to make the story more drawn out it sounds more like a battle report of a game a the moment. sounds impersonal. You need to do it from a perspective either third person or another type.
But they are just suggestions, so keep going with the story and keep posting up here on GD

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"I was born of darkness. My fathers eyes closed before mine opened. I am not of this world or the other, and I have the right to be what I am..."

05-13-2001, 12:28 AM	#2
AzureWolf 20th Level Warrior Join Date: May 3, 2001 Location: . Age: 41 Posts: 2,762	I have a few suggestions to make: 1) You have to make the story more drawn out it sounds more like a battle report of a game a the moment. sounds impersonal. You need to do it from a perspective either third person or another type. But they are just suggestions, so keep going with the story and keep posting up here on GD ------------------ "I was born of darkness. My fathers eyes closed before mine opened. I am not of this world or the other, and I have the right to be what I am..."