I think they are some of the most amazing feelings. When im sad or deppressed or feel lone or something like this, im almost happy at the same time, only for knowing that im not happy. Ive always thought that complete happyness is impossible to get, so somehow i feel better when im sad. The drawback for me is that i usually take things too seriously, and that sadness affects me too much. I´ve always wanted to be like Mr.Jones, the main character of the film with that title (Mr Jones), maniac deppressive (at least this is how its said in spanish). I think im similar to him, with many mood changes and stuff, but not that serious, im not sure if i have that illness. anyway I think im mad in some way, truely insane. I speak alone, i have strange thoughts (thoughts that would shock most of the people), and many other symptoms of mental insanity. I also think im smart, and stupid at the same time. Sometimes i cant catch the more elemental things, others i understand complex things without a problem. Ive been always good at writing (at least in spanish), ive wrote so many tales (some of them earned prizes in championships), but im also stupid cause sometimes i cant even understand the depth of what i write. Ive read so many books (ive devoured books most of the time), and most of them have shocked me. I always get so involved with books and films; for example, ive always felt bad when spiderman or superman had to leave to solve any problem, and when they go back as normal people they´re called cowards. Thats the kind of thing that makes me wonder. Ive always had phylosophycal thoughts, since i was very young. I think if i had wrote them i´d be a different person now. i still have them, but i forget them, and that scares me. ive had some experiences with drugs, and that scares me too, cause im so afraid that i will end being an addict or having problems due to them. Sometimes being drunk or something ive had some scenes, crying and stuff, telling my best friend that he doesnt love me... thats another thing, i always think that people hates me, even if they say they love me. im always so afraid to say the wrong thing in the wrong moment, and sometimes i sin of being static only cause im afraid to act. When im sad (dunno if it can be called depressed) i cry all the time, for nothing. It makes me wonder too. I have many complexes, and most of them make me feel so insecure. i love my friends a lot, and i make friends easily. That might sound good, but believe me, it isnt. the faster you make your friends, the higher chance there is that in the end he/she wont be a good friend. also i am very sincere with my friends when im talking about serious things (otherwise i lie constantly, i think that isnt very sane neither), so when something happens to me or i have a problem i talk about it with LOTS of people, and that isnt good neither. a secret is a secret until you talk about it; the more people that knows it, the higher chance some of them will talk about it with the wrong person. another problem is that i fall in love easily (im a fast-feelings person), and that has caused me lotsa problems along with my sincerity. some girls dont like hearing "i love you", specially if who says that isnt even their boyfriend. ive had some suicidal tendencies in the past, but ive always passed them thinking on my brother (hes 13 and he´s mentally retarded, gives lotsa work) and in the things i havent still done in my life. other times my bro is what makes me sad, cause i cant see how will things go when hes an adult, i cant see if a girl will want to live with me having to have my bro in my house as if he was our big kid. dunno, there are so many things that i cant imagine in the future...
------------------
"Let my spells do the dirty work" Ertai, High Sorceror of the Holy Flame