Charlie,
I wish I could say just how deeply you have touched me in the short time we have known each other but the truth is, there aren't words to describe it.
I know what you are going through. I watched the one man I love as much as life itself leap into the downward spiral and disappear. The last time I saw him, he knocked out my front teeth for not giving him my grocery money for crack. This, coming from a man who had never once shown me violence in over ten years. I wore a similar pair of shoes, trying to be responsible at the same time before I realized it becomes impossible once you go so far...it is either one or the other and I chose a responsible path in order not to become one of the lost or the dead. I have been clean for going on three years now and it was the best thing I could have ever done for myself.
The habit still haunts me in my dreams and in RL but knowing how much I love myself and my life, I will never touch it again. I carry no shame or regrets, It was all just a part of the big picture...experiences that molded me into the person I am today...someone who can love themselves and love thier life along with the world around them.
Do the best for yourself while you still have the consciousness to do so and know that you are DEARLY loved, respected and cherished by your good friends here. We'll always be here for you, no matter what. You are worthy of that and I for one, promise to be there for you if for any reason you think you need me.
Love, Hugs & Peace,
Moni
[This message has been edited by Moni (edited 05-04-2001).]