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How to shoot yourself in the foot Which language is right for you?
Assembler: You shoot yourself in the foot.
Ada: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a
blindfold and a last cigarrette.
BASIC (interpreted): You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol
until your leg is waterlogged and rots off.
BASIC (compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher.
C++: You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the
foot. Not knowing which feet are virtual, medical care is impossible.
COBOL: USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PREFORM SQUEEZE, RETURN HANDGUN.COLT TO HIP.HOLSTER.
cah: After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the
computer and switch to C.
dBASE: You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company
and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next
version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to shoot bullets.
Fortran: You shoot yourself in each toe, interactively, until you run out of
toes. You shoot the sixth bullet anyway, since no exception-processing
was anticipated.
Modula-2: You perform a shooting on what might currently be a foot with
what might currently be a bullet shot by what might currently be a gun.
Pascal: Same as Modula-2, except the bullet is not of the right type for the
gun and your hand is blown off.
PL/1: After consuming all system resources, including bullets, the data
processing department doubles its size, acquires two new mainframes, and
drops the original on your foot.
Smalltalk, Actor, etc: After playing with the graphics for three weeks, the
programming manager shoots you in the head.
Snobol: Grab your foot with your hand and rewrite your hand to be a bullet.
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