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Cloudbringer · 03-28-2001, 12:37 AM

Ryan,

Dammit! I can't cry and type, it's too hard..yah, I'm whining...been doing it all night. Now listen!

You are such a special person! I don't chase just anybody around this monster board anymore, you know. But I've been chasing after you for a while now, trying to touch base with you to find out how things were going....and so I see in your very well written first post here, the things we might have talked about if I'd ever got my time-frame right.

You know something? I feel very frail sometimes too, Ryan. I know you are not sure of your faith. I was there once and I can tell you, it was then that I somehow found the strength to go on and not despair. I know that was when my faith came back full force, because I didn't do it all by myself. I had a whole lotta help from above.

God, my heart just goes out to you, Ryan! I can't tell you how much I understand and relate to much of your thoughts and feelings, even some of your experiences. And how very sad I am to hear you still talk of dying by your own will. So very very sad...

You are too precious a commodity to this world! And whether you know it or not, you are loved.

I don't want to make 'simple' everything will get better statements. Because as other have said, life is full of good and bad, ups and downs. Sometimes when I've hit rock bottom and felt my worst, I have had my most joyful moments hit me all at once. Ryan, I considered suicide on several occasions in my college days. And all I can say, is thank God, I had friends to talk me out of it. My life is not the storybook one we all see in the movies...but I've done some good, had some good and bad experiences and feel worthwhile as a human being. You will too. Of that I am 100% sure! I'm sure, because I see a thoughtful, caring young man, who wants very much to be loved and valued. Funny thing is, you are, if you only knew it... right here! You think things through. You worry about how others will see you and how you treat them. If you only knew how special and endearing those traits are! And as often as you've heard it, I'll say it again...there are many, many girls out there, Ryan. One day when you least expect it the right one is gonna land in your life and you won't be sorry you muddled through the tough times now to get to the good times later! I know you hear 'you are so young' all the time. In physical years, you are. In caring, intelligence and thoughtfulnes, you surpass those 16 yrs by alot.

Please, don't judge your self-worth on the actions of others! If you feel bad because one girl or another doesn't feel the same way you do, that's ok. Hey, we all have to be sad now and again. It is part of being human. But it is not good to give in totally to that sadness! Feel it, grieve it, and pull yourself up! Ask for help if you need it, but whatever happens, leave the sadness, for the world of light and joy that is out there! These things will cycle through your life and you will recognize the pattern as it comes and goes. As someone noted, that IS life. And it is a wonderful thing!!!

Ryan, my friend, you are still young in 'experience'...At my age,I have seen that the good and bad woven together make up the tapestry of our lives. The cloth you are made out of is stronger than you may think it is, because those good and bad life experiences intertwine and make the threads thick. It is more colorful for having the sad and the glad interspersed for only one or the other would weave a monotoned cloth. What you cut from that cloth is up to you. Choose to make a cloak for living and not a shroud for burial.

Choose the harder road, Ryan...choose to live your life to the fullest. Much of our lives is in our perceptions of people and things. If we choose to perceive only sorrow and bad...then that is how events are for us. Choose the middle of the road, please! Choose to see both the happy and the not so happy. Dwell on neither all the time, but on both at any given time! You will feel better for doing it.

I've seen you posting today. I trust it means you will stay awhile and share your laughter, tears, wit and stories with us? I need a life preserver sometimes to help keep the board 'afloat', my friend. You need to throw it to me once in awhile!

Don't know if it matters much, but I've been depressed all day today. Seeing this was a shock to my system, but writing to you has helped a bit. I hope you'll consider my words. I want so much to help and sometimes it's hard to know how! You mentioned Armie's goodbye post? (his temporary leaving, for rl?) Seeing your name (and Memnoch's) there made me think how you two must have done something very special for Armie. He isn't the type to make a public thank you for no reason. I have always been awed that he thanked me for helping him with his relationship. I did what a friend does, what I always do. Said what I felt, discussed my opinons. But for him it was obviously more. And you made that kind of impact on him too! I've always felt that made you a very special person, Ryan! That's when I really started to follow your posts on the board more often!

So stick around? I may need a bit of advice or cheering up myself one day, heck I could use some this week! And I'd be most honored to call you friend and listen when you have something to say.

Amber, also known as Cloudbringer

[This message has been edited by Cloudbringer (edited 03-28-2001).]

03-28-2001, 12:37 AM	#18
Cloudbringer Ironworks Moderator Join Date: March 1, 2001 Location: Upstate NY USA Posts: 19,737	Ryan, Dammit! I can't cry and type, it's too hard..yah, I'm whining...been doing it all night. Now listen! You are such a special person! I don't chase just anybody around this monster board anymore, you know. But I've been chasing after you for a while now, trying to touch base with you to find out how things were going....and so I see in your very well written first post here, the things we might have talked about if I'd ever got my time-frame right. You know something? I feel very frail sometimes too, Ryan. I know you are not sure of your faith. I was there once and I can tell you, it was then that I somehow found the strength to go on and not despair. I know that was when my faith came back full force, because I didn't do it all by myself. I had a whole lotta help from above. God, my heart just goes out to you, Ryan! I can't tell you how much I understand and relate to much of your thoughts and feelings, even some of your experiences. And how very sad I am to hear you still talk of dying by your own will. So very very sad... You are too precious a commodity to this world! And whether you know it or not, you are loved. I don't want to make 'simple' everything will get better statements. Because as other have said, life is full of good and bad, ups and downs. Sometimes when I've hit rock bottom and felt my worst, I have had my most joyful moments hit me all at once. Ryan, I considered suicide on several occasions in my college days. And all I can say, is thank God, I had friends to talk me out of it. My life is not the storybook one we all see in the movies...but I've done some good, had some good and bad experiences and feel worthwhile as a human being. You will too. Of that I am 100% sure! I'm sure, because I see a thoughtful, caring young man, who wants very much to be loved and valued. Funny thing is, you are, if you only knew it... right here! You think things through. You worry about how others will see you and how you treat them. If you only knew how special and endearing those traits are! And as often as you've heard it, I'll say it again...there are many, many girls out there, Ryan. One day when you least expect it the right one is gonna land in your life and you won't be sorry you muddled through the tough times now to get to the good times later! I know you hear 'you are so young' all the time. In physical years, you are. In caring, intelligence and thoughtfulnes, you surpass those 16 yrs by alot. Please, don't judge your self-worth on the actions of others! If you feel bad because one girl or another doesn't feel the same way you do, that's ok. Hey, we all have to be sad now and again. It is part of being human. But it is not good to give in totally to that sadness! Feel it, grieve it, and pull yourself up! Ask for help if you need it, but whatever happens, leave the sadness, for the world of light and joy that is out there! These things will cycle through your life and you will recognize the pattern as it comes and goes. As someone noted, that IS life. And it is a wonderful thing!!! Ryan, my friend, you are still young in 'experience'...At my age,I have seen that the good and bad woven together make up the tapestry of our lives. The cloth you are made out of is stronger than you may think it is, because those good and bad life experiences intertwine and make the threads thick. It is more colorful for having the sad and the glad interspersed for only one or the other would weave a monotoned cloth. What you cut from that cloth is up to you. Choose to make a cloak for living and not a shroud for burial. Choose the harder road, Ryan...choose to live your life to the fullest. Much of our lives is in our perceptions of people and things. If we choose to perceive only sorrow and bad...then that is how events are for us. Choose the middle of the road, please! Choose to see both the happy and the not so happy. Dwell on neither all the time, but on both at any given time! You will feel better for doing it. I've seen you posting today. I trust it means you will stay awhile and share your laughter, tears, wit and stories with us? I need a life preserver sometimes to help keep the board 'afloat', my friend. You need to throw it to me once in awhile! Don't know if it matters much, but I've been depressed all day today. Seeing this was a shock to my system, but writing to you has helped a bit. I hope you'll consider my words. I want so much to help and sometimes it's hard to know how! You mentioned Armie's goodbye post? (his temporary leaving, for rl?) Seeing your name (and Memnoch's) there made me think how you two must have done something very special for Armie. He isn't the type to make a public thank you for no reason. I have always been awed that he thanked me for helping him with his relationship. I did what a friend does, what I always do. Said what I felt, discussed my opinons. But for him it was obviously more. And you made that kind of impact on him too! I've always felt that made you a very special person, Ryan! That's when I really started to follow your posts on the board more often! So stick around? I may need a bit of advice or cheering up myself one day, heck I could use some this week! And I'd be most honored to call you friend and listen when you have something to say. Amber, also known as Cloudbringer [This message has been edited by Cloudbringer (edited 03-28-2001).]