OK CB. I'll try to be a bit serious here now. Yes, I DO have it in me!
Here goes:
Obviously we're looking to buy a house. Our particular pricerange makes it slim pickens to say the least. I hate this shitty city! Our realtor has been driving us to places to look at for the past few weeks. First place we saw had so many black stains covering the ENTIRE Carpet (stairs and all) I just had to walk out. Living on someone else's stains, yuk! The next one had only street parking (no thanks, I'll pop my tires I know it!). Next one had a mini washing machine in the KITCHEN! What? Well I guess you could clean your vegetables! Next one we went upstairs to the bedroom and it had only one closet. Well, OK, not so bad, but when we opened the door the FURNACE was in there!
Eventually we thought we had found THE ONE. Needed work, but don't they all! Came soooo close to buying it. Had a contract and everything. Then the inspector came. Basement: Had a giant horizontal crack across the wall (oh yea and the wall was bulging out). Then lo and behold ANOTHER crack on another wall (giant tree growing from beneath the house!). The gas furnace was 20 years old and had NEVER been maintenanced. You know it's gonna blow any day now. The basement also was vacant except for this suspicious couch sitting against the wall. mmmm. What's behind it? TERMITES!! yummy. "New" airconditioner was plugged into a 20 amp, wires running through a hole in the wall, no sealing. Middle level: Kitchen was supposed to be new but they didn't get the floor tile down right (can you say "missed a spot"?). Opened the refrigerator and found a large crack hiding beneath the bottom drawers. Something black was foaming out of the crack, I think it winked at me! Large red liquid something leaking underneath said refrigerator (probably foam's last kill). Door to outside in the kitchen wouldn't close all the way and no deadbolt (did I mention this was a VERY scary neighborhood? We're talking Ladyzekke is buying a gun!). Bathroom toilet, err, rocked when you came near it.? No crown molding in the living room and no deadbolt on the cheap hollow front door. Let's go upstairs: mmm, two-prong plugs? What? No way! Ladyzekke is the queen of electricity! Many boxes along the walls in all the bedrooms hiding various wall stains. They said they had a new roof put on. Well, they waited too long because over the years rain had gotten into the siding and basically the house is rotting from the outside in. Many varieties of mold sporing about. Windows won't close and grass was growing in a few of them (wanna plant a flower?). Closet shelves completely bowed. Upper bathroom had a hideous BLUE tub with various rust? spots. Guess Mr. Clean left the building on that one! Oh yea, all the sinks had leaks. Backyard had a crumbling shed and an INDIAN CUISINE sign laying in front of it on the ground. BTW, the street this house was on was called "Usher." Kinda funny huh? Gives a whole new meaning to the Fall of The House of Usher!
Whew! I think I covered it all. Obviously we hotfooted outta that contract! Really pissed me off though. The owner was obviously a liar. If I ever sold a house to someone, I would be upfront and honest about it. Making money is a good thing, but not at the expense of others.
So now we are starting all over again searching. Went to look at another on this past Saturday. Looks like somebody had an angry tenant! ALL windows were broken out and boarded up, graffiti spraypainted on the walls, wooden floor heaving up from all the water damage, kitchen counter was a slab of wood. Not kidding, a SLAB OF WOOD. Why would any owner want to show that place is beyond me!
So the search continues. I did like another one we saw on Saturday, but the price is a bit on the high side so waiting for hubby to relent. Hey, I make more money than he does, my opinion should count!!
Please feel free to add your own tales of house horror. That way I won't feel so alone in this!
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