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It looks good so far (a lot better, in fact) but there are still a few things that need adjusting/revising.
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Name:Zakaria
Gender:Male
Age:28
Height:5'9
Weight:90 pounds
Build:slim and muscular
Skin Tone: dark ?
Hair Colour: Blond
Eye colour: Blue
Attributes these look a lot better [img]smile.gif[/img]
Str:3
End:2
Agil:4
intel:2
aura:2
per:2
spr:3
Skills you are allowed mastery in skills, you know...
Physical
Sprinting/Running: novice
climbing: novice
jumping: novice
acrobatics:novice
Worldly
Weponssmith: novice
woodwork: novice
herbalism: adept
Alchemy: novice
Tracking/hunting:adept
Mental
Concentration: novice
Discipline: adept
Magic
Minor: fire
Major: N/A
Wepon Mastery: Rapier As Dplex posted before me (due to 'net problems,) there are no rapiers in a psuedo medevial setting, so please change that?
Special Attack:Blade of Fire, sorrounds blade with extremly hot fire for a short period of time. I guess this okay [img]smile.gif[/img]
special ability: Able to blend completly within the shadows.
Inventory: Black cloak.
-torch(2)
-Money(gold-1 SP-5 LSP-3)
-throwing knives under sleeve of cloak
-Black Rapier on his side
-Family pendant
-family rings(3)
-enough food for 3 days
This looks okay, save the sword
Appearance and Personality: Zak is slightly built,and dark in complextion.
Bio: He is a trained swordsman,but is more intrested in using his talents as a assasin.He has worked for the nobles often is almost always well paid. He is dark and mysterious and has a little temper.His Mother and Father hired many different teachers to teach him how to fight.One day, on his way back from a tracking/hunting exersice in the forest,he came upon his house and saw it was in ruins. The bandits haad burned and pillaged and taken almost everything,except for his fathers, Pendant,Rings,and Rapier.In vengance,he swore that he would kill all the bandits of the world.After a few years he learned it was impossible.So he swore to be an assasin for the nobles,to make it easier to gain money, but lately,he hasn't been fighting as hard,as if his anger was finally running out.One day he hopes to rebuild his familys old house,and live in it with a family of his own,but until then,he hunts.
A couple of qs about the bio, but good overall: why would the bandits leave the family pendant, rings and rapier? I mean, if you're a noble, than surely the rapier would be worth something, since I assume that it has jewels in the hilt/pommel and crest or the like. It doesn't explain why he wants to use his talents as an assassin, or why his father & mother hired teachers to train him. A suggestion would be that it was a family tradition to be swordsmen or something along those line - 'a long history of martial standing' or the like. Aside from that, its better.
[ 07-25-2005, 06:04 PM: Message edited by: Calaethis Dragonsbane ]
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