Lady Avalon,
It does take a while to get used to the fighting.
I find it best to always use the 'autopause' function.
Click options, as if you were going to save or load a game, then click gameplay, then there is an 'autopause' button which will take you to a new box.
I always select autopause for the following:
Weapon unusable
Enemy sighted
Enemy killed
Trap found
This allows you to re-assign tasks to characters.
Example:
You have Minsc attack the enemy mage. He hacks away for a bit, then kills the enemy mage. If the party AI (little lantern button at bottom right of screen under character portraits) is turned off, he will just stand there until you give him new instruction.
If you have set the game to autopause when an enemy is killed, when Minsc kills the mage the game will pause, and a little message will pop up in the message box saying "Minsc: Enemy gone" (or something like that). You can then have him attack another enemy straight away without him standing round looking like a complete prat.
Hope this helps, you will come to enjoy the battles with a bit of practice, just hang on in there, and try to learn something from each mistake!
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Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.