[Cloudbringer]

Wah: Hey, buddy. You've impressed me as a quick-witted, fun-loving person . I know we haven't talked much to date and I'm not sure if you want company in misery or happy-it'll-pass stories, but I have both for you if you like. Like so many others here, I can say I was dumped at about your age. I was a sophomore in college. In love with being in love, as they say. My boyfriend and I were secretly engaged and at the time I thought it was for all the reasons he gave me- let's not mess up our school year with all the planning, or get parents involved just yet...etc etc etc. Well, to make a long story shorter- One late spring day a group of us from a Russian class had a picnic at one of the student's homes out in the beautiful Vermont countryside. I had tried to talk David into coming for a week, but he insisted he had to study for our big Russian exam and reminded me how he was "not as smart" in that subject as I was. Knowing he had a problem with my doing better in classes, I believed him and wished him luck with the studying. Off I went to a wonderful picnic. Gorgeous day, clear blue sky, view of the river. I was so happy that day. As we got ready to take the long drive back to the city, I packed up a plate of food for David, figuring he'd be awfully hungry (he never cooked- lived out of boxes or what his sister fixed-they shared a condo). Well, I drove to his place that evening and knocked on the door, plate in hand, big smile on my face. David took forever to answer the bell and when he did I knew something wasn't right. He acted very nervous and blocked my view into the condo, not even asking me in! Me being me (grin) I pushed past him and into the living room. Well, well, well, if he didn't have April (another student in our class who didn't attend the party that day) sprawled on the floor in front of the sofa looking mighty uncomfortable. I suppose you can guess how I felt, Wah. Devestated, angry, hurt, totally miserable. David tried to explain that they were studying together...yah, I always study with my undergarments half-stuffed under the edge of a sofa, and my shirt buttoned wrong, sure...I believe THAT one, you s.o.b! I may have seemed quite calm to them, but I was far from it. I walked into the kitchen, dropped the plate of food on the counter, sat down and proceeded to make then exruciatingly uncomfortable with lots of small talk. "How was the studying? Having trouble with the perfective verbs, David? Gee April, I didn't know you needed a study partner, I run the in-house Russian program in the Living-Learning center, I could have helped you.....". And would you believe the two-timing piece of $%$# asked me to drive April HOME? Ack. We never talked about any of it in person (with the brief exception of my tossing the ring in his face after the exam), and the phone conversations we did have weren't enough for me. I went to his graduation ceremony (he was two yrs ahead of me) in hopes of talking before he moved away. I spotted him in the crowd and left my two friends (moral support!) behind as I wove my way to where he stood. Just as I reached him and said congratulations, his parents dragged him over to April and didn't even acknowledge my existence! (turns out he never mentioned me, his mom was a NJ socialite, Dad a doctor, I think- April was a well-to-do Swiss-finishing school graduate and much more 'suitable' for his family) I stood there until my friends caught up to me. I don't remember getting back to the dorm, Wah. I vaguely remember getting totally wasted and roaming the campus at night looking for a bus to step under. A friend (my best friend today!) followed me all over the place, trying to tell me it would get better, keeping me from drowning in the campus fountain and wandering into the bad part of town. I never heard directly from David again.

You know what, though? My friend was right. It took me almost a year to realize it, but I did feel better! Life threw me so many other things to deal with that I let go of the anger and the biggest part of the hurt. No, it never goes completely away, but it gets manageable! Like the others have said, you get stronger and wiser. You learn more about yourself and the people you deal with. It will pass, Wah. I promise you!

Until then, rage at the stars, cry all night and wake up in the morning ready to face the world with dignity. You are a worthwhile person, never ever forget it! We're here to listen and to offer moral/emotional support. Have an electronic kleenex, on me!

And Wah? Exactly what do you and Melusine talk about when I can't read the language? (giggle)

Cloudbringer