Unfortunately i think you may have miffed your romance with Jaheira, but keep in mind that the dialogue triggers are real-time while your PC is on, not game time. Jaheira's romance is the longest one, so you may have some hope. Otherwise, don't worry about it, you will be playing the game more than once I guarantee you.
Re: the astral plane and rescuing Raelis Shai, it's not too difficult, just make sure you keep scouting ahead with a thief so you can plan your attack. Try and avoid stepping into the circles that lead into prison rooms. There's a lot of cool stuff in that prison.
Oh, and regarding the thugs casting spells, remember where you are - the City of Coin, where coins flow freely and eyes look elsewhere!
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