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Gee, Mr Creosote, have you tried any of the Hybrid suggestions which answer all your reasons for disliking them?
And in a foursome, the best reason for hybrids is that everyone can cast at least well enough to do the healing and buffing and still be able to fight well.
Sam's crits are determined by their Crit skill score plus any bonus the weapon has, and they get plenty Lightning Strikes if you develop them adequately and don't load them. Maybe their proper development is a bit too cheesy for some, but when done right, a Sam will have as many kills as an equally patiently developed Fighter.
To answer the remaining questions: Yes, i really like Lord for the Dual Wield bonus, but i usually compound it with Mauler's Mace bonus, and let a Bard or Fighter take Fang.
Int only helps a Bard learn faster, so if you do any practising, you don't need to add any. I usually make everyone dual wield, but i guess in a foursome you don't need to, so give the Bard Fang and shield, esp once you get a stat-bonus shield.
Doom is great for anyone, except the curse on it makes it tough to also use missiles, so if you put it on a Fighter, you'll be stuck with bombs for ranged attacks. Unless, as you plan, you've learned some magic along the way...But i really like Doom on a Bishop, myself.
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