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onthepequod · 05-09-2001, 10:35 AM

Looks like I missed out on some fun last night (went to bed at 10:00).

I believe that I was asked about what to feed Dwarves in order to make them explosive. Forgive me for going back but I didn’t have time to properly answer the question last night.

Well as I noted earlier this is a subject that runs deep with many conflicting but well supported theories. So, due to time constraints I will focus on the fringes of the art of “Cooking to Enhance the Gastrointestinal volatility of Dwarves.” That is I would like to explore the theoretical art of equipping a party to unleash the Dwarvian Mushroomius Cloudicus.

In an oversimplification the steps are as follow:
1) The party’s cook must prepare twice fried Gibberling, fried up in healthy doses of possum grease, with about two boots full of properly aged compost (this provides a health quantity of specialized bacteria).
2) While the meal is being prepared the party must get the Dwarf completely sauced (drunk out of his little mind) because there is no way a sober Dwarf will eat this meal of his own accord. Unless of course the Dwarf is a Texan, then he/she will eat anything fried. It’s important to note, the alcohol, once atomized through the sphincter of a dwarf, adds an extra kick
3) It will take the whole party to feed the dwarf, even if he or she is completely obliterated by alcohol, so be prepared. The rewards will be worth the effort.
4) Once fed continue to give the dwarf large amounts of sugar and alcohol until he/she passes out. The sugar will excite the bacteria and passing out will make the hourly shaking process go more smoothly.
5) Once the Dwarf is incapacitated, religiously shake vigorously every hour on the hour until said dwarf awakens.
6) The device should now be armed and ready.
7) CAUTION: Make sure the Dwarf travels downwind from the rest of the party.

Sorry, Blademaster but I was compelled to answer. If it’s any consolation, any Dwarven hero as well renowned as Kors would unquestionably be excluded from the “device” inventory. In fact I have heard rumors that he is the hero of Trademeet. In fact they have apparently erected a statue in his honor near the fountain (if you don’t believe me go see for yourself).

05-09-2001, 10:35 AM	#24
onthepequod Quintesson Join Date: April 6, 2001 Location: two leagues down Posts: 1,081	Looks like I missed out on some fun last night (went to bed at 10:00). I believe that I was asked about what to feed Dwarves in order to make them explosive. Forgive me for going back but I didn’t have time to properly answer the question last night. Well as I noted earlier this is a subject that runs deep with many conflicting but well supported theories. So, due to time constraints I will focus on the fringes of the art of “Cooking to Enhance the Gastrointestinal volatility of Dwarves.” That is I would like to explore the theoretical art of equipping a party to unleash the Dwarvian Mushroomius Cloudicus. In an oversimplification the steps are as follow: 1) The party’s cook must prepare twice fried Gibberling, fried up in healthy doses of possum grease, with about two boots full of properly aged compost (this provides a health quantity of specialized bacteria). 2) While the meal is being prepared the party must get the Dwarf completely sauced (drunk out of his little mind) because there is no way a sober Dwarf will eat this meal of his own accord. Unless of course the Dwarf is a Texan, then he/she will eat anything fried. It’s important to note, the alcohol, once atomized through the sphincter of a dwarf, adds an extra kick 3) It will take the whole party to feed the dwarf, even if he or she is completely obliterated by alcohol, so be prepared. The rewards will be worth the effort. 4) Once fed continue to give the dwarf large amounts of sugar and alcohol until he/she passes out. The sugar will excite the bacteria and passing out will make the hourly shaking process go more smoothly. 5) Once the Dwarf is incapacitated, religiously shake vigorously every hour on the hour until said dwarf awakens. 6) The device should now be armed and ready. 7) CAUTION: Make sure the Dwarf travels downwind from the rest of the party. Sorry, Blademaster but I was compelled to answer. If it’s any consolation, any Dwarven hero as well renowned as Kors would unquestionably be excluded from the “device” inventory. In fact I have heard rumors that he is the hero of Trademeet. In fact they have apparently erected a statue in his honor near the fountain (if you don’t believe me go see for yourself).