Ironworks Gaming Forum - View Single Post - Charlies Shop of Shite is Open.. ITEM SPOILERS

Charlie · 02-03-2001, 09:12 AM

Moridin.

Thanks for the gem and Golem building book enquiries.

As it stands the light gem could be yours as a rotten carrot is a pretty shite item, the light gem I can assure you is even worse. Putrifying root vegetables pale into insignificance beside it on the internationally unrecognised shite scale.

Regarding Golems and the Golem builders book. I feel it only correct to make you aware that once your Golem has read this book he then goes into building mode permanently. He will happily build in all weathers day or night....what he builds is another matter. Once he feels he has finished one construction he will begin on the next. It really is a sight to behold as you watch your Golem build whatever takes the fancy of his tiny useless mind. Construction materials are not an issue for him as he will build in almost anything and really couldn't give a flying f**k where his materials come from...And whose gonna stop this giant stone bloke anyhow. Imagine the fun and hilarity as he slowly dismantles your neighbours beautiful house brick by brick just to build a totally shite, completely unstable multi story carpark in your very own backyard...hours of fun for the whole neighbourhood.

Judging by the very shite offer you've made me, it appears that you don't have a Golem of your own.
I happen to have one very shite and slightly damaged Golem in stock. This Golem has only read the Golem labourers handbook and is about ready for the leap into the world of real Golem building. His small faults are as listed - He has lost the foot on one leg after falling down a deep well after reading the Golem guide to getting pissed. The fingers of his left hand were lost in a building accident. A large lump of his stone head is missing after a roof tile accidently hit him from a great height. His lower jaw is missing after a drunk wizard accidently hit him with a +2 bullet. The complete right arm was torn off after accidently catching his arm in his guvnor Golems cement mixer and he is totally deaf after accidently walking into a full scale dragon war. He answers to the name of Lucky.

Lucky the unlucky Golem could be yours if you make me yet another very, very shite offer indeed.

02-03-2001, 09:12 AM	#53
Charlie Lord Ao Join Date: March 3, 2001 Location: London, England Age: 31 Posts: 2,023	Moridin. Thanks for the gem and Golem building book enquiries. As it stands the light gem could be yours as a rotten carrot is a pretty shite item, the light gem I can assure you is even worse. Putrifying root vegetables pale into insignificance beside it on the internationally unrecognised shite scale. Regarding Golems and the Golem builders book. I feel it only correct to make you aware that once your Golem has read this book he then goes into building mode permanently. He will happily build in all weathers day or night....what he builds is another matter. Once he feels he has finished one construction he will begin on the next. It really is a sight to behold as you watch your Golem build whatever takes the fancy of his tiny useless mind. Construction materials are not an issue for him as he will build in almost anything and really couldn't give a flying f**k where his materials come from...And whose gonna stop this giant stone bloke anyhow. Imagine the fun and hilarity as he slowly dismantles your neighbours beautiful house brick by brick just to build a totally shite, completely unstable multi story carpark in your very own backyard...hours of fun for the whole neighbourhood. Judging by the very shite offer you've made me, it appears that you don't have a Golem of your own. I happen to have one very shite and slightly damaged Golem in stock. This Golem has only read the Golem labourers handbook and is about ready for the leap into the world of real Golem building. His small faults are as listed - He has lost the foot on one leg after falling down a deep well after reading the Golem guide to getting pissed. The fingers of his left hand were lost in a building accident. A large lump of his stone head is missing after a roof tile accidently hit him from a great height. His lower jaw is missing after a drunk wizard accidently hit him with a +2 bullet. The complete right arm was torn off after accidently catching his arm in his guvnor Golems cement mixer and he is totally deaf after accidently walking into a full scale dragon war. He answers to the name of Lucky. Lucky the unlucky Golem could be yours if you make me yet another very, very shite offer indeed.