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All from the single greatest movie for one liners ever: (Army of darkness if you're wondering)
Ash: Clatto Verata Nicto.
Wise man: Again.
Ash: Clatto Verata Nicto.
Wise man: Again.
Ash: I got it, I got it. I know your damn words, right?
[Later when having to recite the magic words]
Ash: Clatto Verata N... Necktie... Nickel... It's an "N" word, it's definitely an "N" word!
[Even later when speaking to the wiseman again]
Wise man: When you removed the book, did you speak the words?
Ash: Yeah. Well, maybe not every single syllable exactly, but basically I said them.
Arthur: Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts?
Ash: Nope. Just me baby... Just me.
Possessed Witch: You found me beautiful once...
Ash: Honey, you got reeeal ugly!
[after Ash chops up Evil Ash with a chainsaw and throws him into a hole]
Evil Ash: You'll never retrieve the Necronomicon! You'll die before ya get it!
Ash: Hey! What's that you got on your face?
Evil Ash: Huh?
[Ash throws dirt on Evil Ash's face]
Ash: What are you? Are you me?
Evil Ash: Whad are do? Are do be? HAHAHAHAHAH! You sound like a jerk!
Ash: Why ya doin' this, huh?
Evil Ash: Oh, you wanna know? 'Cause the answer's easy! I'm BAD Ash... and you're GOOD Ash! You're a goody little two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes!
[begins to sucker-punch Ash]
Evil Ash: Goody little TWO-SHOES! Goody little TWO-SHOES! HEHEHEHEHE!
[honk honk honk]
Evil Ash: GOODY LITTLE TWO-SHOES! GOODY LITTLE...
Ash: [cocks shotgun and points it under Evil Ash's nose]
[nods head]
Ash: [BLAMMO!] I ain't that good.
If you haven't seen the movie, CHOC COMMANDS YOU TO DO SO!
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One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight, <br />Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. <br />The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot those two dead boys. <br />If you don\'t believe this joke is true, ask the blind man, he saw it too!
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