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Legolas · 04-13-2002, 11:07 AM

Actually, it's not horrible at all.
There's a good, fast pace to the story, which is good with the amount of action it has. You manage to describe the characters and surroundings without really slowing down, and although the actual fighting is short, with a single blow being sufficient every time, that's probably a good thing, both because it makes the characters seem more like trained killers and because this way, you can't make that many mistakes in describing something in which you're probably not an expert (it is often said writers should write about what they know).
The only thing I can think of right now that would improve the story without changing your own style of writing, is not to use the same word too many times. For example, instead of the 'flail-wielding one', you might use 'the one with the flail', 'the final warrior', 'the tallest warrior' if he is, or avoid naming him altogether and merely describing the action.

But that's merely an aspect of the style, not the contents. Really, it's not bad at all.

04-13-2002, 11:07 AM	#2
Legolas Jack Burton Join Date: March 31, 2001 Location: The zephyr lands beneath the brine. Age: 41 Posts: 5,459	Actually, it's not horrible at all. There's a good, fast pace to the story, which is good with the amount of action it has. You manage to describe the characters and surroundings without really slowing down, and although the actual fighting is short, with a single blow being sufficient every time, that's probably a good thing, both because it makes the characters seem more like trained killers and because this way, you can't make that many mistakes in describing something in which you're probably not an expert (it is often said writers should write about what they know). The only thing I can think of right now that would improve the story without changing your own style of writing, is not to use the same word too many times. For example, instead of the 'flail-wielding one', you might use 'the one with the flail', 'the final warrior', 'the tallest warrior' if he is, or avoid naming him altogether and merely describing the action. But that's merely an aspect of the style, not the contents. Really, it's not bad at all. __________________ Say NO to the Trouser Tyranny!