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Originally posted by YeRFDoG:
Hey Legolas,
No thats not where my name or username came from, its actually Godfrey backwards....
Anyway, a part of my story is coming in about 5 mins 
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Really
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Came from their <U>God Frey</U>a, or actually Godess if I remember correctly
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Ah well... These things don't work well in a text
As for your text, you're writing pretty good, but were I you there are a couple of things you should think about.
First and foremost, using brackets in a story is not a very good idea. You may have done this because we did not get to read a lot of Nivor's history, in which case it's okay.
Second, at one point you're telling what is going to happen to Nivor. Some writers prefer working that way, others don't. Personally I wouldn't do it but that's your choice
Finally, I noticed you're using very few descriptions of the surrounding area. One of the more important things a writer has to do is make a balance between telling a fluid story and creating a world which the reader can visualize. This is hard and takes a lot of time to get right, just experiment with that a bit.
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The last arrow of Legolas kindled in the air as it flew,
and plunged burning into the heart of a great wolf-chieftain.
All the others fled. -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings
[This message has been edited by Legolas the Elven Archer (edited 10-22-2001).]