Excellent idea, Djinn! Well, I'm in a ranting sort of mood, so I've decided to review an author - the (in)famous Ed Greenwood, creator of the Forgotten Realms campaign world. Lately Ed's been busy writing Realms novels, mostly about Elminster, but sometimes about other characters. Well, IMHO, he should just stick to designing modules and stay away from writing novels.
People say that a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away he used to write books that were at least mediocre rather than outright pathetic. Well, I challenge you to name one.
Having trouble thinking?
I think it's because there are NO novels he has written that meet this criteria! Have a read of Spellfire and Crown of Fire and you'll see what I mean. His prose is turgid and completely lacking in originality and evocativeness. Honestly how often does he have to repeat the phrase "motes of light" before it stuck in his memory? Or didn't he have Roget's Thesaurus at hand when scribing his missive?
And this is what REALLY gets me. Why, may I ask, does EVERY SINGLE FEMALE in his book have to be half-naked, naked, or naked and frolicking in the out of doors? His use of sex and sex scenes is totally unnecessary to the plot. Shandril Shessair certainly shares this exhibitionistic tendency, dropping her clothes at any given moment. Of course, these nubile, oversexed, uninhibited young temptresses always fall in love with Ed's alter ego Elminster, who happens to be a geriatric and 900+ years old. Read the Temptation of Elminster - a book that has NO plot - but is good for a laugh and as toilet paper and you will see what I mean. And while you're at it - look at the artwork of Elminster on the cover and then flip to the inner back cover of the book and check it against Ed's photo. Do you see a SIMILARITY??
Take Silverfall for example. I was so looking forward to a book about the famed Seven Chosen Sisters of Mystra. Elaine Cunningham, Bob Salvatore and Lynn Abbey had whet my appetite with tantalizing entrees about Laeral, Alustriel, the Simbul et al. When Ed finally comes up with a novella, lo and behold! it only took till page 32 before he turns Dove Falconhand into an adolescent youth's wet dream. And he doesn't stop there - Qilue Veladorn, Sylune, Alustriel and Storm all get the same treatment. He describes Storm thus: "I see her negotiating peace while she bathes, unashamed." I actually got confused halfway through the book and wondered if it wasn't a Mills and Boon romance novel I was reading.
Maybe I'm being a bit harsh, but suffice to say I was quite disappointed. There aren't many authors where the reading experience is akin to having a root canal, but Ed comes very close.
Ok, rant over!
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