[Userunfriendly]

good one!!!

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Attack of the Gnome eating Turnips!
Attack of the Gnome eating Turnips!

From the Jansen's lab come forth each week
The pallid monsters of which we speak
Except when he has to take a leak!

Turnips, Turnips!

Oh, isn't it pityticing
Turnips eating the city
Can no-one stop these mutant veggies
Gnomes keep hiding behind the heggies!
Can Jan ever stop those idiotic stories?

"Attack of the Gnome eating Turnips! Attack of the Gnome eating Turnips!
They'll beat you, bash you, squish you, mash you
They'll grab a gnome by the legs
And bite his head off, OH SMEG!
They're marching down the slums
Grabbing gnomish children, pappys and mums
They're pallid, pale, hairy, scary
Crunchy to the core
They're standing just outside your door!
Remember my cousin Beloo
While using his outdoor loo
He turned around and he did see
Turnips hiding in his tree
Now he's just a memory!
I know I'm going to miss him
A turnip bit my sister once
Athkatla today was lost
They're marching on Beregost
The Turnips are on their way!

Jan woke up screaming in pure terror. The rest of the party jumped up out of their bedrolls, weapons ready, while the last watch rapidly scanned the surrounding woods for any hint of danger. After everyone looked at Jan, saw him covered in cold sweat, and trembling violently, they realized he had a nightmare, and stood down.

Aerie grabbed him in a hug, and asked quietly in a gentle voice what was the matter. After everyone heard his stammering description of a dream where giant mutated vegetables had come to eat him, while singing an evil song, laughter filled the clearing where the party had settled down for the night.

Aerie moved her bedroll closer to Jan while he settled down back to sleep.The next day, Aerie was astonished to find Jan awake and munching on two turnips at once, each hand clenched around the leafy stalk.

"Urm, Jan, I'd thought you wouldn't be able to look at another turnip for a while, after last night's dream???" she enquired.

"Pre-emeptive strike, my dear child!" he mumbled around a mouth full of the crunchy veggie.

Of course, the party didn't find it nearly as funny the next week when they visited the Jansen home in the slums and had an encounter with the Turnip Golem...

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some more queen...

The songs parodied here are "We will rock you" by queen, and "Green Acres"....a most unusual combination, but it works...

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Sir Anomen Delryn stepped out from the back curtain, stripped to the waist, and wearing a pair of black leather pants at least two sizes too small for him.

Three Knights of the Order of the Radient Heart followed, also stripped to the waist, and wearing armored greaves and boots. The shaved torsos of the knights glistened in the bright light of the midday sun, due to the layer of oil rubbed on their bodies.

Sir Keldorn Firkam, almost unrecognizable in jet black armor, studded with spikes, ran a fingering on his Weave-amplified black base guitar, the instrument snarling as feedback and distortion amplified sound filled the auditorium. His fingers literally blurred with speed, as a incredibly complex and driving beat of the melody poured out of the smokin' instrument. Sir Ryan Trawl sat behind him, wearing matching black spiked armor, twin drumsticks wielded like weapons as he thrashed out a complex tattoo on the full drumset surrounding him. The crowd of young men and women went wild with excitement.

The back up singers began pounding out a strong beat, as Sir Anomen stepped up to the microphone. The beat went "dum, dum, DUM!!! dum, dum, DUM!!!" as the backup singers used their steel boots to drive the sound to the audience.

Everyone clapped out the beat in unison as Anomen began singing.

Buddy you're a smelly orc
Stinky yucky groady breath to make a billy goat turn gray
Get yer head from my face
You skunky disgrace
We'll be kickin' your can all over the place

Singin'

'We will we will SMITE you!!!(dum, dum, DUM!!!)
We will we will SMITE you!!!(dum, dum, DUM!!!)

Buddy you're ugly troll
Spurting dripping goo-filled oozing makes me puke all day
You got slime on yo' face
You puffy disgrace
Wavin' your flabby claws all over the place

'We will we will SMITE you!!!(dum, dum, DUM!!!)

Singin'

'We will we will SMITE you!!!(dum, dum, DUM!!!)

Buddy you're a yippin gnoll
Barking yapping yodeling snapping annoying me I say
You got drool on your face
You noisy disgrace
The Order's gonna put you back into your place

'We will we will SMITE you'(dum, dum, DUM!!!)

Singin'

'We will we will SMITE you'(dum, dum, DUM!!!)

Everybody!

'We will we will SMITE you'(dum, dum, DUM!!!)
'We will we will SMITE you'(dum, dum, DUM!!!)

Alright!!!

Sir Keldorn finished with an incredibly complex and rocking guitar solo that brought the house down in applause as the knights bowed to the wildly cheering audience, and the curtain closed for the next act.

Aerie handed Anomen a big mug of cold wine as he joined them backstage.

"Good number! They're still clapping! I never knew you had musical talent, Sir Anomen!" said Nalia enthusiastically.

"Well, I was in the order's glee clubs and barbershop quartets during my noviciate, however..." Anomen fell silent as the curtain opened on the next act.

Three people stepped out, and a frolicking melody began to play as the singers took their place. One was obviously dressed up in an oafish version of the Amnish guard uniform, with a dented breastplate, and a bent sword in his hand.

The next one was obviously Aran Linvale, his expensive and immaculately tasteful clothing fitting him perfectly. A sartorial masterpiece. The third was a half elven girl, dressed in sleek black leathers. She did a series of dazzlingly skilled martial arts kata's, doing high kicks, flurrys of punches into the air, and generally showing off. They started singing to the spritely tune.

Shadow Thief:
Shadow Thieves be the place for me.
Picking pockets is the life that's free.
Sheep spread out so far and wide
Nimble fingers and you'll be fleecing them citywide.

Amnish Guard:
The guard is where you'd rather stay.
Steel Armor for you to shine all day.
You don't ever want the jailhouse view.
Rotting in prison will make you really blue.

Shadow Thief and Amnish Guard:
...The pockets.
...The dockets.
...Thieves lair.
...Lawbreaker beware.

Aran:
I run the council of six.

Amnish Guard:
This really just sticks!

All together:
Shadow Thieves we are there.

Sir Keldorn joined them, having obviously taken a long time to remove his hot armor.

"I HATE career day!" he said as he looked at the class of 1389, as they clapped even louder for the funny comedy skit of the Shadow Thieves. Sir Anomen nodded vigorously.
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I've killed my orcs
Time after time
I've even whacked Drizzt
But committed no crime
And bad mistakes
I've made a few
I've had my share of quests
Explode in my face
But I've come through
And I need to go on and on and on and on

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll fight Amelissan at the very end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for turnips
'Cause we are the champions of the Throne

I've shot my bows
And cast my spells
You've bought me riddles and quests
And everything that goes with it
I thank you all
But it's been no bed of turnips no breakfast plate
I consider it a challenge before the whole sword coast
And I ain't gonna lose
And I need to go on and on and on and on

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll fight Amelissan at the very end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for turnips
'Cause we are the champions of the Throne

We are the champions - my friends
And we'll fight Amelissan at the very end
We are the champions
We are the champions
No time for turnips
'Cause we are the champions of the Throne