[Timber Loftis]

Originally Posted by johnny Well i got a true story, from my point of view it was funny, i'm sure my ex gf disagrees, but who cares what exes think. Ok here goes...after a night on the town with some heavy drinking, me and my gf went to bed and i almost instantly fell asleep. After a while (don't know how long) i woke up because i felt i had too take a wee. So downstairs i went, into the little boysroom and did my thing. Went back upstairs, got back into bed, and almost instantly fell asleep again, wondering why i was feeling sweaty in friggin october. So far nothing special, were it not that the story above happened in my dream. What actually happened, was that i got out of bed, sleepwalking so to speak, walked around the bed to the side where my gf was sleeping, pulled out little johnny and started peeing all over the bed, and ofcourse all over my gf. She woke up, shouted at me, and when i didn't respond went to take a shower and went back to bed in the guestroom. Me, when i was done peeing, walked around the bed again, got in, wondered why i was sweating and fell asleep. Ofcourse i wasn't conscious throughout this whole ordeal, but this is how it must have happened, my gf filled in the rest after she stopped being mad at me.

Johnny, there's a whole series of jokes I could send your way that deal with your situation. I'll summarize without setup and punchlines.

The first:
There's a guy who comes home drunk, falls asleep, and dreams of being a chicken. He dutifully pops out a few eggs before being awakened by his wife while he's shitting in bed.

The second:
A guy gets drunk and pukes on his friend and himself. His friend instructs him to put a $20 bill in his pocket to show his wife that he got puked on and paid for it by a guy at the bar. He also shoves $20 in his underwear to pay for shitting in his pants, which he dutifully blames on the same guy when it is discovered in the laundry.