[Timber Loftis]

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their Parents to
tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their
stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies
saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only Larry
was left.

'Larry, do you have a story to share?'

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in
Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy
territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival
knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi enemy troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four
more with the knife, 'till the blade broke, and then she killed the last
Iraqi with her bare hands.'

'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What kind of moral did your
daddy tell you from this horrible story?'

'Stay the HELL away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking.'

Larry is doing detention all week.