[Bungleau]

How Cold Is Cold?
(All temperatures Fahrenheit...)

• 60 Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
• 50 Miami residents turn on the heat
• 40 You can see your breath, Californians shiver uncontrollably,
• Minnesotans go swimming
• 35 Italian cars don't start
• 32 Water freezes
• 30 You plan your vacation to Australia
• 25 Boston water freezes, Californians weep pitiably, Minnesotans eat ice cream, Canadians go swimming
• 20 Politicians begin to talk about the homeless, New York City water freezes, Miami residents plan vacation further South
• 15 French cars don't start, Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
• 10 You need jumper cables to get the car going
• 5 American cars don't start
• 0 Alaskans put on T-shirts
• -10 German cars don't start, Eyes freeze shut when you blink
• -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo, Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects, Miami residents cease to exist
• -20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you, Politicians actually do something about the homeless, Minnesotans shovel snow off roof, Japanese cars don't start
• -25 Too cold to think, You need jumper cables to get the driver going
• -30 You plan a two week hot bath, Swedish cars don't start
• -40 Californians disappear, Minnesotans button top button, Canadians put on sweaters, Your car helps you plan your trip South
• -50 Congressional hot air freezes, Alaskans close the bathroom window
• -80 Hell freezes over, Polar bears move South
• -90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets