You should know by now that you're not alone. Some of the folks here have suffered through similar things, and some have suffered through worse. Not that anything like that helps make your suffering any better...
Life's about choices, and you've got a big one ahead of you: how you deal with all this. FWIW, there are a large number of people who make their living (and quite comfortably, I might add) by sharing their stories of pain, challenge, and frustration and showing how they got through it. You might look to read a few of those for personal inspiration, as well as for ideas on how you can do the same thing.
Aron Ralston is the mountain climber who had to cut off his own hand to survive. He's got a book out on the experience... Between a Rock and a Hard Place.
Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning is another good book on the topic... talks about his experiences in a concentration camp and what he saw there.
Bottom line... you're not alone, and there are ways through this. You've got friends out here.