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DA, this is long and deep and I'll take a stab with what you gave us.. It sounds like major control issues on her part, i.e., she can say and do as she pleases but anyone else's boundaries she runs over them like a tank. Am I close here? She is the kind that can tell others no but doesn't respect other people's no. She doesn't like it. Am I even close?
You are going to have to as best you can to severe all ties. There is no compromise here because she can't/won't accept it. You can't reason with somebody in that frame of mind.
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