[harleyquinn]

I too pondered that same question, of HOW to live life to the fullest after Rachel died. I can tell you what I've done, which doesn't mean it'll work for everyone, but may give you some ideas.

First -- I had to give myself time to grieve. Even after her funeral, I still found there were times where I would just sit down and cry and curse the world for the injustice of allowing bad people to live while allowing a child to die.

Second -- Once the anger and hurt was lessened (I don't think it'll ever be 100% gone) and I could be at piece with thinking of her up in heaven playing pranks on others with the aid of our Great Grandma and Aunts and Uncles up there, I reflected on what her Aunt said at the funeral -- "Try to decide how Rachel touched your life and pass it on".
I thought about that and decided that she was sick and a child, yet she found time to volunteer her time and help others, so I, as a healthy adult could definitely do that. I started searching online for volunteer opportunities (here the United Way has a site of thousands of postings for volunteers, if you're interested, ask around, see if your community has something similar). At first nothing seemed to stick, then I saw that my local childrens hospital was looking for volunteers. I remembered how much the volunteers at her hospital had meant to her when she was sick and decided that was a great fit for me since I love kids. So now, every Tuesday night, for 2 hours, I do nothing but play. The kids are from ages 0-21, and some are shy, some have no interest in playing, and others are thrilled to get to be a kid instead of a sick kid for a few hours.

Last Tuesday, after reading about Animal, I was at the hospital and while there, my first "kid" was an 8 month old. We aren't told why the kids are there unless we have to know, which is good, I think it helps us just look at them as kids. Anyway, I rocked that baby and sang to her, and she, being a baby, cooed and smiled and gave me a baby punch in my nose and I thought, the world can't be all that bad, even though we lost a dear friend, there is this little angel here to make us laugh again.

So, my suggestion to those not sure what to do, is first, give yourself time to grieve. You may even be in shock right now and it won't hit you for a little while. After you are more at ease, then figure out what Mark's life meant to you and what you could do to "pass it on". Be it taking your child out for a special day once a month, or volunteering, or just loving those around you more, or being more forgiving, or trying new things without looking back, that's really a personal decision, but if you can find a way to make a positive impact, then the spirit of Animal will live on.