Thread: A choice?
View Single Post
Old 02-12-2005, 04:18 PM   #9
Aelia Jusa
Iron Throne Cult
 
Tetris Champion
Join Date: August 23, 2001
Location: Brisbane, Australia
Age: 44
Posts: 4,867
I'm not a fan of saying whatever I'm thinking unless specifically asked, and I can phrase it in a way that isn't going to hurt people's feelings. You hear a lot of people on reality TV shows saying that they are 'honest - I say what I think!' or they 'tell it like it is - I'm a straight-shooter'. What piffle. What they're doing is using their 'honesty' as an excuse to say whatever bilious hateful comments they think of while simultaneously getting more airtime and avoiding negative consequences because hey! They were just being honest!

Giving an opinion that is rude or cruel or insulting when you haven't been asked to share your thoughts isn't being honest, it's being nasty. And not giving said rude opinion when you haven't been asked isn't lying. If you are asked, there are ways of being tactful without lying as well. If someone got a new haircut that you hated and they asked what you thought you could say 'it's hideous, it makes you look 20 years older', or you could say 'it's good to have a change, but I do think you always looked great with long hair'. The latter is good because the person will probably realise you don't like it, but it gives them an out so they can say something like 'yeah, I liked it long too, but I wanted something a bit more sophisticated'. The former only gives them an out to cry.

It's also true that being honest doesn't necessarily mean you're telling the objective truth - you're more likely giving your subjective opinion that is true how you see it but not necessarily how other people see it. So telling it like 'it is' is often not how 'it is' at all, but how you perceive 'it is' - so it might be not only needlessly nasty, but also inaccurate as well.
__________________
Aelia Jusa is offline   Reply With Quote