Your Present is...
The Holy Quitesson,
The Most Holy of the Holy Relics of the 3x7r33m£¥ £337 (and Holy) Order of the Holy Greasel!
I comes with eight (8) cup holders, a DVD player, laser eye beams, a toaster with the really useful Auto-Butter
tm ability, a just-add-water instant red Ferrari, a rolling boulder trap, a lifetime supply of Nethack fortune cookies and a Big Red Shiny Button of Self-Destruct.
Have fun!