[Cerek]

I learned several years ago that you don't HAVE to associate with your family.

To make a long story short, my grandmother and aunts banded together to attack my dad over some jointly owned property. They caused him to lose his business and gave away the office he had built with his own hands to operate the business. Needless to say, it was a very difficult time for us in many ways. The real heck of it was that the aunt leading the attack was the one we had been "closest" to when I was growing up. Our families had gone on many vacations together over the years.

That was over 14 years ago now. And while the wounds have healed enough so that I am civil to my aunts when I see them - I will never consider them part of my family again. The same goes for my grandmother. I don't wish them any ill will, but I also don't wish to associate with them anymore. To me, they are no different than any other person I would meet on the street.

I don't hate them (though I did for a while), but they utterly destroyed any family bond we had with their actions.

Stormy - It sounds like you are STILL looking for approval from your grandmother - but I think you know that it is never going to come. I personally see nothing wrong with saving yourself further pain that you know you will recieve from her. You can still go to the viewing and funeral to pay your respects when the time comes.

Of course, you CAN take the "high road" and continue to visit her (without the kids) while ignoring her verbal barbs. Just ask yourself WHY you are going to visit her? Is it to finally get her approval? Or do you feel it is an obligation you have as a family member?

If it is the first, just be aware that you will probably come away even more hurt if she doesn't give you what you're looking for. If it is the second, then just ignore her crotchety remarks and visit her as you see fit.