|
My suggestions:
First, determine if the ex is still filling her head full of "daddy doesn't love you" and/or if she has finally come clean with your daughter about how she (the mom) was mad and hurt and said things she shouldn't have if she did.
Second, arrange to take your daughter out - just the two of you - as soon as you can once she gets moved. Spend some time alone with her just hanging out. Tell her basically what you just posted and then ask her how life has been. Ask her what her interests are and what she'd like to do now that she's moved. Basically, *show* her that you love her and are interested in her by getting to *know* her.
If "Mom" hasn't explained to her yet, debunk the myth that you didn't love her by being up front, but not mean about her mother. Tell her the truth that you and her mother had a very bad time and there were lots of hurt feelings and that things were said that, while not true, were understandable at the time.
As for introducing her to the other siblings, how about something neutral? If you have a "fun park" with things like miniature golf, video games, etc. and a place to eat, why not set up a party for the family there ("mom" invited if she's amenable) and let the kids get to know each other during a day of fun? Just a thought. But that way, your kids don't feel like intruders in your ex's home and you daughter doesn't feel put on "display" in your home.
Encourage your kids to be kind and accepting of your daughter and maybe even *they* can help her realize you didn't "abandon" her or hate her through their own actions. She will see how your kids are and know you are a good dad.
I'd be sure to take your daughter out periodically (like to a movie or just to a meal) where it's *just* the two of you so she can gradually come to know you and you can get to know her again.
Also, if they end up getting along well (I don't know the ages of your other three children), you may consider letting the kids have other days together - just them. Or start having small parties at your house where your daughter is part of the group.
But please don't think you need to "buy her off" to prove anything. I don't think you would, but some parents do that and it sends the wrong message to the child. Also, be careful not to fall into any kind of pattern of "overlooking" bad behavior (should she be "rebellious" with you just because you haven't been able to be with her for 8 years). Overcompensating for time lost is not going to help.
Well, that's enough rambling from me. [img]tongue.gif[/img]
Hope all goes well for you and that you and your daughter bond well. [img]smile.gif[/img]
[ 12-14-2004, 09:15 AM: Message edited by: Lady Sedai ]
|